How do you deal with your ballbusting fetish in relationships?

[NonChris]

I've found that telling girls i've dated in the past about my bb fetish tends to complicate the relationship. It seems to make girls think that it's something that they HAVE to do to arouse me sexually, which is not the case, It's an optional thing you know? like oral sex. This seems to make them more timid about sex because they think nothing they can do besides BB will be good enough. Have any of you had similar experiences? Also, I want to tell girls I date about it because I want to be honest with them, but i'm pretty private about it for the most part. But sometimes girls i'm dating will tell their friends about it, and then their friends will look at me like i'm weird, which effects our relationship. Do you think its better just not to tell girls about having a bb fetish? Any thoughts will help, Thanks.

[bleep master]

dear nonchris,

i have the same problem..

i'm in a long term relationship with my girl for ten years now.

i told her about my fetish a long time ago, still she thinks it's strange and perverted..

worst thing that happened was when she discovered my femdom clips on the computer :(

we talk about it from time to time and it's not like it's the only thing that turns me on. but i really would like to go deeper into it..

i don't know what to suggest here, since i don't know any better..

and i don't think i'd ever go see a dominatrix_

[qwertyuiop]

I think that if you want to tell a girl you're dating about it, you should. But you may need to explain it a bit, and let her know it's not all she can do to get you turned on. I like for guys to be honest with me about what they like. But it also depends on the girl. And not all girls will tell their friends, but some girls somehow really don't know they shouldn't if you don't tell them.

[skweezme]

First few times I couldn't tell my girlfriends. Difficult enough to get a girlfriend in the first place, and regular sex was an achievement in itself. But next couple I did tell. First one left me for non-BB reasons (in fact, says she misses this now). Second one I'm still with after 30 years and we've worked BB into our sex life in a way she's comfortable with and that pushes the buttons for me. Better now than ever before. Took a while to get there though!

[dzwitch]

Talking directly to a woman about sexual fetishes is one of the worst things you can do. This is not limited to ballbusting, everything, from anal sex to foot worship must be treated with care, even different regular sex positions. When women talk on sincerity they don't mean "I want to know you deepest sexual secrets with crude and bleak words". Instead things must be introduced with good taste and style, like a slow dance.

Be clever, be patient and let it happen, let it develop. The only thing you should ask for are small slaps on your balls and some generic talk like humorous conversations about balls. From that moment, let her act. Some of them will refuse, but they can't consider it a perversion as you're just asking for little slaps, which is nothing actually related to pain or masochism, they won't even have a good story to be told to her friends. If so, you'd better suggest her that she's got two options:

1) Stop being a repressed prude and discover along with you a new world. (Don't use these literal words if possible)
2) Go away and fucking bore other guy. If not, all your sexual life will be a disaster anyway, not only your ballbusting fetish.
3) In any case, if a woman usually talks about your private sex life with other people, tell her to fucking go to hell, there's no future in that relationship. Check it before starting the ballbusting introduction by talking to common friends.

If she's willing to do it, don't talk, just let her play and see how it goes. You can find two answers:

1) She never thinks on further games with your balls, she's just a light ballbuster. If that's ok for you, ok, if not, just respect her and don't force her to do things she doesn't like. Just look for a new partner or live without that fetish.

2) She's interested in more games. Then you should start talking about it, but not about the pain, don't be stupid, just about those new things that turns you on, those different and "inexplicable" pleasurable feelings you're discovering thanks to her. From that point:

a) She will stop in the medium ballbusting category. You can talk a bit about slight pain but not as the major pleasure in it. She will play by herself, don't force her, she will enjoy some things and rules will be automatically created between both of you. May be knee is ok, kick is too much, whatever.

b) She's got a real dominatrix soul. Again, let her play and play, don't force anything, but recognize your pain and see her reactions. May be you'll have to talk about your limits one day just before she's going to ******** you just for fun.

In short: just light the candle. Let it be. Sit and wait. If she asks "Did you like it?" answer "yes", thank her for showing you new pleasures and invite her to play with her imagination, but don't be rude, in the name of God, don't tell her "c'mon destroy my nuts!". Actually, if you're lucky, she'll be the one that will become rude if you let her play and play. And always, always, respect her limits and decide whether you accept those limits or change to a new relationship. Anyway full-force ballbusting just for comforting you while she's suffering is a disgrace you won't like.

And remember:

1) Many women are happy to satisfy their partners, but they're really turned on by it only if they're the ones that discover it. So don't guide them, don't force them. Let them be the artists. Everyone likes to be an artist and provide new and unique things to their partners.

2) Most women won't be willing to satisfy your fetishes unless you're "her man". That is, a woman usually needs a complete relationship to be turned on by fetishes, she won't do it if you act like an stupid bastard only waiting for an opportunity to fuck her. Flowers and interesting conversations could be a good starting point. Even she's a potential dominatrix, she needs to feel more than pure sex.

Finally: in general, porn material is designed for men. It doesn't work very well for women. Be careful with your files, if you share your computer's user account, just watch streaming videos and delete your browser's history after each (lonely) session. Use porn and bb files only as the last step, when she's clearly into it. There are too much prejudices related to multimedia material, and women don't usually swallow it at first.

[blancanvas]

With the last girl I dated, I just asked her to squeeze my balls during sex. At first she said, 'no i don't want to hurt you...' but i told her it actually felt good, so she consented. Other than slapping them around a bit, I've never had a girl kick or knee me, but I think if you start out light and easy...then gradually escalate, you could pull it off. :D

[NonChris]

Thanks guys that's good advise. Though the thing is, I don't need BB in my relationships. I've had girlfriends in the past that have done it, one of them even did it VERY well. So all my BB fantasies have already been fullfilled. I was asking if I should tell girls i'm dating just to be honest with them, not because I want them to do it. I mean i'm sure I will always use BB videos for masturbation purposes, and it seems weird to hide this fact from a girl i'm supposed to be having an open an honest relationship with. So what do you think? If I don't want them to BB me I shouldn't mention my fetish to them?

[Alec Anaconda]

Are you thinking of telling your woman that you have a BB fetish, but you don’t want her to torment your balls?

Will you also describe, in Technicolor, who did what to you and how much you enjoyed it?

Unless you want to be dumped, either keep your mouth shut or ask for her opinion of BB.

Alec Anaconda

[bleep master]

dzwitch,

you are right about many things here.

turns out u just described my last few years with my girlfriend.

..it's just not so easy to put everything into action as with everything in life.

but thanks for your little essay here :)

[teapot42]

I think it is really just luck how this works out. If a girl is the sort who would consider this then you are in luck, if not then no matter what you say you won't get anywhere and if BB is important to you then she probably isn't the person for you anyway.

With my ex I suggested she squeeze them and encouraged her from there. She'd never hit a pair before, before long she was crushing them flat and cumming at the thought of how much my balls were in agony.

[Ballbusting Legends]

DZWitch has many good points......especially..... 1) Many women are happy to satisfy their partners, but they're really turned on by it only if they're the ones that discover it. So don't guide them, don't force them. Let them be the artists. Everyone likes to be an artist and provide new and unique things to their partners."

If I could sum it up in one sentence, I'd say "you have to make them think that it was their idea". This is a long, slow dance, but it's worth it in the end. If you lead off with "I have a unusual fetish" you've already planted the idea in their idea that it's something perverted that they won't enjoy. Get them to do some rough stuff with your balls (some alcohol would probably help you down this path) and if you want them to step it up let them know you liked it when they did it before....now it's about them.... as opposed to some life long perversion you've had. I had a chick that busted me with incredible enthusiasm for years that I never actually admitted to her that I had a fetish for it...... the fact that it was her idea was what made it so empowering and thus such a turn-on for her...as opposed to just going along with some weird fetish I had.

[Ketchupman]

Good advice!

[Alec Anaconda]

I've found that telling girls i've dated in the past about my bb fetish tends to complicate the relationship. It seems to make girls think that it's something that they HAVE to do to arouse me sexually, which is not the case, It's an optional thing you know? like oral sex. This seems to make them more timid about sex because they think nothing they can do besides BB will be good enough. Have any of you had similar experiences? Also, I want to tell girls I date about it because I want to be honest with them, but i'm pretty private about it for the most part. But sometimes girls i'm dating will tell their friends about it, and then their friends will look at me like i'm weird, which effects our relationship. Do you think its better just not to tell girls about having a bb fetish? Any thoughts will help, Thanks.


There’s an old saying, don’t shit on your own doorstep.

It seems so risky to find a girl within a circle of friends and then attempt to change her.

Why not visit BDSM venues, find women who want to give BB, and then search for further compatibilities?

Alec Anaconda

[Castratrix's pet]

I think it is best to be open, up front, and honest with your girlfriend or wife about your ballbusting or other femdom fantasies and fetishes. Yes your girlfriend or wife might be uncomfortable with your ballbusting or other femdom fantasies and fetishes and even not want to participate in them. However, if you are completely open and honest with her about it she will know you are totally honest with her and you love and value her and value your relationship with her enough to be that open and honest with her.

Tell her that you want to be open and honest with her and your honesty will help make your relationship with her better and stronger.

[Jammy james]

"either bust my balls or find another cock to satisfy you"

[blkpatent]

There’s an old saying, don’t shit on your own doorstep.

It seems so risky to find a girl within a circle of friends and then attempt to change her.

Why not visit BDSM venues, find women who want to give BB, and then search for further compatibilities?

Alec Anacondahow does one do that? In Vegas there should be a huge community of ladies who would be interested in kicking balls.

[Alec Anaconda]

how does one do that? In Vegas there should be a huge community of ladies who would be interested in kicking balls.


You could start by Goggling "BDSM venue".

Easy enough to find safe places in the UK, but I’ve no idea about the USA.

Alec Anaconda

[balltoyca]

I've found it depends on the lady. Some are interested and want to try, starting off slow with some ball squeezing or the like. Others want nothing to do with it. In those instances I figure it's better to end it sooner rather than later.
That said, I have developed a few relationships with women who enjoy ball torture, but not to the exclusion of all else or normal "vanilla" life. Can work out quite well.

[bbisfun]

I think you just let a girl know if you are dating her...if she isn't into it, she isn't into it, at least you tried. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

And you can always try the "just kidding" if she isn't into it...lol

[Castratrix's pet]

Like it is with everything else in your relationship, wouldn't it be best to be open and honest with her about it? Yeah, she might be uncomfortable or turned off by ballbusting or femdom or whatever, but I think she will also respect the fact that you are open and honest with her about it and that you feel she is someone you can confide in like that.

Most people value honesty. So like I said wouldn't it be best to be open and honest with her about it?

[NonChris]

Wow guys, you all are telling me how to get my girlfriend into ballbusting and that's not at all what I asked about, like I said i've done that many times before, and it effected the relationship negatively, so I don't want to do it again. I've been bbed plenty, I don't need it anymore. Thanks to all the people who actually read what I wrote and answered my question though.

Alec - It's hard enough to find a girlfriend that I have chemistry with even when i'm looking in 50% of the population, if I only looked at girls that were into bsdm, that number would be reduced to about 2% of the population, why would I do that? I'm not going to sacrifice being with someone I really love and connect with, just to be with a girl I barley get along with at all that is into bsdm.

Castratrix's Pet - Thanks a lot I agree with you.

[Alec Anaconda]

Alec - It's hard enough to find a girlfriend that I have chemistry with even when i'm looking in 50% of the population, if I only looked at girls that were into bsdm, that number would be reduced to about 2% of the population, why would I do that? I'm not going to sacrifice being with someone I really love and connect with, just to be with a girl I barley get along with at all that is into bsdm.


Well, NonChris, there are something like two billion women who I shall never even speak with.

If I was into some minority activity such as Morris dancing, (I’m not!) I would visit places connected with Morris dancing.

At those venues, I would enjoy the dancing and, if I were lucky enough to find a soul mate, there would already be some compatibility.

I’m most certainly not suggesting that you dump your woman.

However, if this relationship runs its course, perhaps just one woman out of forty million would be as loving as your girlfriend and save you from your “tell/no tell” issue.


Alec Anaconda

[Zaphod]

It's interesting to see the different reactions people have experienced from their partners in this thread - thanks to all for contributions :)

For my two cents worth, ballbusting (coupled with tease and denial in my case) is something that is important to me in any sexual relationship, and it's not something I feel I could avoid discussing with a partner; it's not that it has to happen for me to enjoy my sex life, but it certainly adds spice to things and it's not something I'd want to do without for fear of a partner misunderstanding.

All of the relationships that I've had over the last 7 or 8 years (since I was 18, essentially) have involved some kind of discussion about ballbusting, and a good few casual encounters have also had me bring it up (because, hey, it's casual, so if they're weirded out we never have to see one another or mention it again).

I've tended to mention it to girls when they do end up grabbing my balls during foreplay, looking at them and saying, "Well, I guess you really have got me by the balls now" and gauging their reaction accordingly...if all seems well, encouraging them to gently squeeze and then goading with a "is that really the best you can do?" and a raised eyebrow tend to produce the desired response...and from then on all of them have seemed hooked by it, and it's just a matter of seeing how far they (or indeed I) can be pushed. My last three serious relationships have all included regular ballbusting sessions, which have tended to lead on to some pretty mindblowing sex. Perhaps more importantly, I've never had a girl react badly to the invitation to give me a bit of ballbusting...as long as it's not treated like an obsessive fetish.

I do recall a friend of mine freaking out totally about a guy who she started seeing, who had an email address along the lines of "iwanttobekickedintheballs@email.com", a guy who would talk about nothing but getting kicked in the nuts. She would ring me to tell me how weird she thought he was. and yet this is the same girl who'd happily talk about pushing me up against a wall and "kneeing me in the plums", knowing how hard that made me (often in the same conversation!). Goes to show that approach is everything, I suppose.

My current girlfriend was very straight-laced sexually when we started going out, and rather unusually I brought up ballbusting on our second date, just as she was giving me a fantastic blowjob. She's now a proper little ballbusting minx, who pushes my limits on a regular basis. So best of luck to all those deliberating or struggling to break the news of their fetish to their significant others...my personal advice would be to go for it, but never treat it as an unusual fetish or anything to be ashamed of...just incorporate into sex as naturally as you can!

- Zaphod

[snakeskin]

I've found that telling girls i've dated in the past about my bb fetish tends to complicate the relationship. It seems to make girls think that it's something that they HAVE to do to arouse me sexually, which is not the case, It's an optional thing you know? like oral sex. This seems to make them more timid about sex because they think nothing they can do besides BB will be good enough. Have any of you had similar experiences? Also, I want to tell girls I date about it because I want to be honest with them, but i'm pretty private about it for the most part. But sometimes girls i'm dating will tell their friends about it, and then their friends will look at me like i'm weird, which effects our relationship. Do you think its better just not to tell girls about having a bb fetish? Any thoughts will help, Thanks.

lol i don't know where you guys meet your conservative girls, but as far as i'm concerned all my GFs have been fetish lovers. Ballbusting/CBT, Bondage, Domination... It's not that i get lucky either. Instead i'm always open about what i want during sex and i talk about it with them before we've even had sex. Nobody has ever run away and i've managed to convert all my goody two shoes EXes into femdom and fetish lovers.

I honestly don't see what is so difficult. Girls are WAY wilder than men assume they are. All it takes is knowing how to push the right buttons. Simply put, you have to be sensitive to them, their needs and their limitations and inhibitions.

With some girls you can dish it all out and they'll take it, with others you have to plan things out, events, sentences, overtures, hints and flirts all strategically executed to help coax them into a different state of mind. It takes practice, but i can assure you that if you can pitch it from the right angle in order to make it appealing to their psychology, you can sell almost any fetish to a girl. You just need to have patience and be sensitive.

[snowman100]

A while back I asked my wife to squeeze and pull my balls while she was riding me.. she did for quite a while... now I notice she just does it without me asking.. she was always rough.. I think this was right up her ally...