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grilledpotato
04-01-2012, 11:43 AM
Two Hour Pass Stacy loved being in the national guard. She got respect from her friends and family, paid for college and she got to travel around the world. Her new husband Paul was very supportive, but admitted her missed her terribly even when she was only out for weekend at the base. Paul was a good man and she loved him. He was the most kind and gentle boyfriend she had ever had. Paul was a tall skinny man in his early 30’s. He had Sandalwood colored hair and sky blue eyes tha drove Stacy crazy. Paul was the only man that ever really treated her like a lady and she when he asked her to marry him she said yes in a heart beat. Making love to Paul was like making love to no man she had been with before. Sure he only had a four inch penis but he was so in tune with her needs she couldn’t believe how much his small size didn’t matter. Stacy was a ball girl anyway and in that department, Paul was definitely blessed. Pauls nuts were the size of plum tomatos. Stacy always joked with him that if his penis were any bigger he should have been a pornstar. He kept them clean shaven and lightly powdered. Stacy was obsessed with his balls. She loved to sit on the couch next to her man and just roll his sperm heavy balls in her fingerss until they ached and swelled. She would of course always finish the deed, she wasn’t a stone cold bitch! Paul’s massive nuts could really fill up too, when she would finally jerk his tiny cock off, it gushed out like no other cock she had ever seen. He produced more semen than any of her previous boyfriends and it made her feel like she could really please her man. Paul seemed fond of her body as well. Stacy was a petite raven haired women with modest breasts but her butt was near perfect. Paul loved her ass, she even gave him a nude picture of herself bend over the kitchen table for him to use while she was out on national guard business. Stacy enjoyed the thought of Paul looking at it, jerking off his small rod until he unleashed a geyser of seed all over himself. Stacy only hoped that he had not yet pleasured himself looking at her photo. Stacy lived only about 20 minutes from the base and she had managed to score a 2 hour pass to go off the base and relax. She wanted to surprise paul in her fatigues and combat boots. Sneak into the house, catch him handling his huge balls drop to her knees and suck his testicles while he jacked off all over her face. Given enough time to recover, she would ask him to take her doggie style. She loved how his balls felt slapping on her clit. Paul was going to be so surprised! Stacy turned into her apartment parking lot and turned of her headlights. There was a green honda in her parking spot…some people are so rude. Stacy carefully drove her car around the side of the building and parked where guests typically parked. Maybe this would actually help her go unnoticed! Stacy quietly climbed up the stairs to her apartment and peeked in the living room window. The lights were on in the hallway and most likely the bedroom. She was going to have to be sneaky. She considered taking off her boots but decided it would take too long. Stacy turned her key slowly and pushed the door open. Luckily Paul hadnt turned on the security system. She tip toed down the hallway, the sound of bedsprings creeking coming from the bedroom. Paul must have been making use of that photo quite vigorously! The door was open a crack and she peeked in. Her jaw nearly hit the ground. Paul was in there with another woman! Paul had a young blond woman bent over their bed, her bed. She watched as Paul plowed into the whore, her massive jugs giggling like udders. The women cried out in pleasure and moved her hand inbetween her legs and massaged Pauls massive easter eggs. Paul was panting like a pig! Stacy wasn’t sure what to do, should she scream at him? Beat the fuck out of the girl? She stood there stunned and unnoticed watching the love of her life shove his tiny penis into another woman. Paul rubbed the girls back as she screamed out in climax. He let out an uncomfortable grunt as she hadnt yet let go of his balls and she had squeezed them in the throws of orgasm. He sighed in releif as she released is boys and declared, “Oh Paul your nuts are so huge, fill me with your cum, cum inside me Paul!” Stacy couldn’t watch anymore…she started to panic, she needed to leave. Stacy turned to leave. Just as she got to the end of the hall she heard Paul gasp for breath and answer his slut’s dirty talk. “Oh baby, you’re gonna make me blast, your pusy is so much tighter than my wife’s! Oh fuck! Oh Fuck!” Stacy clenched her fists and turned around. How could her insult her while fucking a whore, in her bed! She stood and the doorway and started to hyperventilate. Luckly no one heard her over Pauls panting. She had to make him pay, she was going to kick his ass! Paul began to pant even faster, his balls were swinging rapidly against the blonde’s hot cunt. He moaned and his balls began to tighen up. He was going to shoot his load in about 4 seconds. Stacy knew Pauls body so well, she took a few steps forward brought her foot back and waited. Just as Paul started his calssic “ oooo, ooooo” she brought her combat boot up as hard as she could. She watched as her foot sored for his giggling vulnerable nuts. For a split second she thought about pulling back, she loved Paul. No he deserved this… The room seemed to be lost to time as the tip of her boot connected with Pauls dangling testicles. They looked so full, so swollen. She couldn’t help but feel slightly aroused as his balls began to flatten against the blonde woman’s groin. Paul let out a gasp and the slut let out a loud squeal as Stacy crushed both of their naughty parts with her powerful foot. Stacy felt time jump back to normal just in time for her to feel her foot slamming into the whore’s cunt one more time, her cheating husbands balls the only protection from the rock hard boot. Paul stepped back, a silent scream on his face. He noticed stacy for the first time and as his fell to the floor, dick spewing long thick ropes of cum all over the blond girls ass and legs on his way down. The woman turned around shocked, hands rubbing her tender vagina. “Oh my god, is this your wife!?” Paul couldn’t answer. Even through his silent scream Stacy could see the pain in his eyes, and not just pain from the shots she just gave his balls, but the pain of letting her down. Stacy pulled the woman off of the bed by her hair. “Get out and don’t come back whore! If you come near this place again, ill do more than just bruise your scummy cunt!” The women grabbed a pile of clothes off of the desk and ran out of the rooming screaming, hands still nursing her wounded twat. Stacy turned to Paul. “Paul…” She knelt down and move his hands away from his balls. They were already swelling, but she didn’t think she did any permanent damage. His stomach was covered in so much cum...twice the amount he normally produced, she couldn’t help but feel hot. “You’re gonna make this up to me Paul, everyday for the rest of your life.” Paul nodded inbetween his sobs. Stacy dropped her pants and climbed onto Pauls face, “You got to cum once already today, you’re gonna make me cum” Stacy grabbed Pauls nuts in her hand and began massage them. Paul managed a quick wimper “im so sorry baby” before he began to lick her hot wet cunt. Stacy knew he was sorry…but he was gonna be even more sorry. She had about 1 hour left before she needed to leave and for every orgasm Paul gave her with his mouth, she was gonna give his balls a good wrenching. Stacy smiled as her twat began to tingle, this was gonna be the worst hour of Paul’s life… Hi! im potato, this is my first story ever so be nice with the feedback!

Zatark
04-22-2012, 11:58 PM
It is well written but it needs to be broken into paragraphs.

blancanvas
04-23-2012, 12:32 AM
I'm not trying to be mean, but you might want to consider a new hobby aside from writing. The grammar was atrocious.

grilledpotato
04-23-2012, 05:12 AM
i had a bit of trouble with pasting it into the forum window, looked good in microsoft word : ) i will try and make it look nicer next time. To the grammer nazi please keep in mind that on the internet not everyone's first language is english.

Dude
04-23-2012, 11:06 AM
No need to stop writing, but the enter key is there for a reason :)

shellyjames
04-23-2012, 11:12 AM
Not bad. I've read worst. Just break it up some.

skweezme
04-23-2012, 03:20 PM
Some exciting ideas here!

Breaking your writing up into paragraphs does two things. It makes it easier to follow for the reader, and it makes it easier to write.

As a writer, I find paragraphs help me keep track of my ideas and arrange and rearrange them for impact.

Couldn't write without them!

slavecherie100
04-23-2012, 05:52 PM
I'm not trying to be mean, but you might want to consider a new hobby aside from writing. The grammar was atrocious.

giggles that my dear friend is what keeps all the editors in the world employed you hate editors or something giggles:D

Alec Anaconda, A1
04-24-2012, 01:15 PM
Two-Hour Pass



Hi! I’m Potato, this is my first story ever so be nice with the feedback!



Honest is so much better than nice!

First, on the good side, this is an excellent and imaginative short story.

It contains an introduction, fast-moving action and a surprise ending.

I loved the novelty of a BB and a CB with a single blow!



On the down side, your first sentence reads,

“Two Hour Pass Stacy loved being in the national guard.”

I guess your title is,

“Two Hour Pass” and the first sentence, “Stacy loved being in the National Guard.”

Can you see that this simple slip has created a negative opinion in your readers?

Some were thinking,

‘What kind of name is Two Hour Pass Stacy?’



You can learn how to leave plenty of blank space on the screen, and a simple spelling and grammar check will highlight most of the other issues.

Editors will NOT take unchecked work!

Almost everybody can do this, but you already have the real skills you need to tell a story.

Please keep writing!

slavecherie100
04-24-2012, 02:48 PM
Two-Hour Pass



Hi! I’m Potato, this is my first story ever so be nice with the feedback!



Honest is so much better than nice!

First, on the good side, this is an excellent and imaginative short story.

It contains an introduction, fast-moving action and a surprise ending.

I loved the novelty of a BB and a CB with a single blow!



On the down side, your first sentence reads,

“Two Hour Pass Stacy loved being in the national guard.”

I guess your title is,

“Two Hour Pass” and the first sentence, “Stacy loved being in the National Guard.”

Can you see that this simple slip has created a negative opinion in your readers?

Some were thinking,

‘What kind of name is Two Hour Pass Stacy?’



You can learn how to leave plenty of blank space on the screen, and a simple spelling and grammar check will highlight most of the other issues.

Editors will NOT take unchecked work!

Almost everybody can do this, but you already have the real skills you need to tell a story.

Please keep writing!







B]Editors will NOT take unchecked work![/B]


hmmm 20 plus stories published and all were taken by an editor first giggles you must be talking to lazy editores because that is what theyt get paid top do gigles

Alec Anaconda, A1
04-25-2012, 04:23 AM
hmmm 20 plus stories published and all were taken by an editor first giggles you must be talking to lazy editores because that is what theyt get paid top do gigles





Every rule has its exceptions!

My editor has a top selling author who thinks the same as you and gets away with it, but if I started using “giggles” for full stops (periods) I would not.



Here are three quotes from my publisher’s submission guidelines,



The full script in Word document (.doc) format. (Spelling and grammar checked before sending, please.)



It is your responsibility as author to ensure your script follows our guidelines below as closely as possible and that the script has been thoroughly checked for spelling and grammar.



Spelling MUST be checked thoroughly as must grammar. Use Word's tools to do this and remove as many errors as you can.



In my humble opinion, the editor is there to spot only the errors that the author and his automated tools have missed.



Anyway, why have you been hiding your talent? Where can we buy your stories?

slavecherie100
04-25-2012, 01:46 PM
hmmm 20 plus stories published and all were taken by an editor first giggles you must be talking to lazy editores because that is what theyt get paid top do gigles





Every rule has its exceptions!

My editor has a top selling author who thinks the same as you and gets away with it, but if I started using “giggles” for full stops (periods) I would not.



Here are three quotes from my publisher’s submission guidelines,



The full script in Word document (.doc) format. (Spelling and grammar checked before sending, please.)



It is your responsibility as author to ensure your script follows our guidelines below as closely as possible and that the script has been thoroughly checked for spelling and grammar.



Spelling MUST be checked thoroughly as must grammar. Use Word's tools to do this and remove as many errors as you can.



In my humble opinion, the editor is there to spot only the errors that the author and his automated tools have missed.



Anyway, why have you been hiding your talent? Where can we buy your stories?


giggles they have all been printed in fet mags in Europe and the orient i write for a company that owns many magazines in Europe and the orient they pay me and if they use them for anything other than the magazines they send me a check for royalties. i will from time to time put some more on here giggles. If i get time i will try writing just a ********** one.

Yes my publisher says the same thing about submissions but they found something i had posted on the net a few years ago and asked me to write them a story and i didn't really wish to giggles so as a condition they agreed to do the editing work so i can just write a fast draft and send it to them and no i wont put a draft on here giggles my typing stinks giggles. They must be happy with them because they keep sending checks and asking for more giggles

blancanvas
04-25-2012, 03:43 PM
Welcome back Alec; I was worried I'd have to take over for you. *hands gavel back to Alec* :ibow4u:

Kaden
04-26-2012, 06:03 AM
I liked it .

Alec Anaconda, A1
04-26-2012, 11:41 AM
Welcome back Alec;

Thank you; that is most kind, Blancanvas.



I was worried I'd have to take over for you.

Please do, but take over what?



*hands gavel back to Alec*

Exactly whose balls should I hit with this?



:) :)