New Story

[darthsidius]

I have been playing around with the idea of a new story so here goes. I would like to hear comments from others.....

Some of the girls were extremely angry as the arguments continued....
They had all had enough of Mike’s horrible behaviour at the “RANCH” (the ranch was an out of town low-end brothel known for low priced booze and cheap women. Sometimes the clientele were not very respectful of the women but Mike had gone too far.


Jane wanted to make sure that when he next came they would give him over to Sarah. Some of the women felt that this was going too far and that even though he deserved to be punished letting Sarah loose on him would be too much. They said that no man deserved to face such a terrible fate and that Sarah would likely make him pay with his balls.
Jane complained that the last time he had actually pissed in her mouth. When the other women heard this they all agreed that he would meet Sarah the next time he came to the RANCH.



Jane started smiling and imagining the shock and pain that Mike would experience and that it would serve him right and even if he lost his nuts in the process then so be it...

[Alec Anaconda, A1]

I would like to hear comments from others.....



I normally only like to write good things about new authors’ stories, and your layout and spelling are good.



Sorry, but if your plot is, “Sarah castrates Mike, slowly and painfully,” then where is the interest and surprise?

[kickthem]

You have a good premise. This could develop into an excellent story. The looming threat of Sarah ********** Mike would make for nice suspense. Will she or won't she? He definitely deserves some very intense ball pain.

[slugbug]

looks good to start with, hope there are loads of kicks and knees to come

[poolman2]

darthsidius,

This teaser is very promising. I think you'll have a good story. I'm anxious to read it.

poolman2 :bananawin

[Alec Anaconda, A1]

Sorry, I was far too harsh.

I’m sure you have good sub-plots and interesting action, and maybe Mike keeps a ball or two.

[Sockmess]

keeping balls in stories are the worst. I love reading about destruction and the method the woman does to destroy a man's sex. Thats the whole benefit of fiction being able to experience something that not many would dare in reality.