Something I've been thinking about recently

[eric B]

Isn't it strange how some things, when they happen in one context, can be extremely traumatic, but when they happen in another context, can be extremely enjoyable. I think this is definitely the case with being hit in the groin.

But why are some contexts good and other contexts bad?

I've been trying to figure this out for ages.

[darkwing]

That's probably it; the context of the situation.

Many things may be enjoyable if done in the right setting.:o

Just be careful of what you're actually trying to do.

[carnivorous_daisy]

Agreed: context is paramount.

There is a lot of talk of the negative consequences of so called "objectification". Everyone wants to be desired, but everyone also has their own idea of the context of how that that desire should be expressed. Several of my girlfriends have had fantasies of r@pe. Those fantasies, when expressed between two consenting adults of similar interest can be very enjoyable, much like bb. Also like bb, the activity can be horrific and traumatizing to those not into it, or if it's not under the correct circumstances. I enjoy bb, but if someone hit me without consent I would view it no different that someone violently ******* sex onto me without consent, aka, r@pe, and that person would find themselves the brunt of someone who isn't taking sexual assault lying down(sorry for the pun). But seriously, they would be pummeled, as it would be no different than r@pe.

There is nothing wrong with sex or any expression thereof, as long as it's expressed within the boundaries of being considerate of the tastes of those involved.

[stman]

I enjoy bb, but if someone hit me without consent I would view it no different that someone violently ******* sex onto me without consent, aka, r@pe, and that person would find themselves the brunt of someone who isn't taking sexual assault lying down(sorry for the pun).

Agreed.

It's taken time, but I actually have friends who don't share my fetish who understand this now too, which is nice.

[carnivorous_daisy]

Here's part of a conversation I had with a friend upon him finding out I'm into bb.

BFF: Wait, you're into that? I can punch you in the balls if you want.

CD: You're forgetting that I'm not a homosexual. That's also fairly insulting.

BFF: But, we're not talking about sex.

CD: Yes we are. We're talking about my sexual identity and how it's expressed.

BFF: I don't understand. It's not sex though.

CD: For me it is sex.

BFF: But it's not sex though.

CD: I'll put it another way. You like sex with women, right?

BFF: Yes.

CD: [pointing to a nearby woman who is as obese as she is homeless] Why not have sex with her?

BFF: Ugh, barf.

CD: So you're saying that even though you enjoy the activity of sex with women you do not desire it with that person?

BFF: Duh.

CD: But don't you like sex with women? There's a woman right there and therefore a potential opportunity to have sex with her, yes? Don't you want to seize that opportunity?

BFF: Oh god...[makes pre-barf motions]

CD: So you see now things are not as simple as that. Interest in partners for sexual activity is rather complicated. I won't to go into that too much, plenty of books have been written on that subject. But to illustrate another point, there is a girl I used to work with who couldn't have an orgasm without getting fucked in the ass.

BFF: Pff.

CD: No, seriously. She was ashamed of it at first, but then she started telling everyone, which is kind of overcompensating, but regardless, she has this thing which is her form of sexual expression. I don't like anal sex, I mean, c'mon, poop comes out of there. But that's just my preference. So she likes getting fucked in the ass. Do you think she would be correct in taking offense if I suggested she fuck the nearest thing which might in an abstract way fit the most basic of those requirements? What if I told her, 'oh you like anal sex? well why not stick this fucking bowling pin up your ass?' That might be a little offensive to say something so very clearly assumptive about a subject a person knows very little about.

BFF: I still don't get it though. It's not sex.

CD: Well sex to me is not sex.

BFF: Go on.

CD: Traditional sex I find fun, sure...

BFF: What?!

CD: Listen, traditional sex is fun for me, but it's not something I really crave. I'm not mentally wired like you. It's not good enough for me. It's not what I desire. Look, [I get out my cell phone and show him a text] my ex texted me, saying happy birthday and asking if I wanted a birthday blowjob. I said no.

BFF: WTF?!?! O_O

CD: A blowjob is not a fair trade off for having to put up with the personality of a narcissistic ex. However, if she offered something else that she knows would interest me I might not be able to say no.

BFF: Geez. Hey, can I have your ex's number?

CD: Did I ever mention what a good friend you are?

BFF: [thinking] I don't think so.

CD: There's a reason for that.

[sebi40]

Here's part of a conversation I had with a friend upon him finding out I'm into bb.

BFF: Wait, you're into that? I can punch you in the balls if you want.

CD: You're forgetting that I'm not a homosexual. That's also fairly insulting.

BFF: But, we're not talking about sex.

CD: Yes we are. We're talking about my sexual identity and how it's expressed.

BFF: I don't understand. It's not sex though.

CD: For me it is sex.

BFF: But it's not sex though.

CD: I'll put it another way. You like sex with women, right?

BFF: Yes.

CD: [pointing to a nearby woman who is as obese as she is homeless] Why not have sex with her?

BFF: Ugh, barf.

CD: So you're saying that even though you enjoy the activity of sex with women you do not desire it with that person?

BFF: Duh.

CD: But don't you like sex with women? There's a woman right there and therefore a potential opportunity to have sex with her, yes? Don't you want to seize that opportunity?

BFF: Oh god...[makes pre-barf motions]

CD: So you see now things are not as simple as that. Interest in partners for sexual activity is rather complicated. I won't to go into that too much, plenty of books have been written on that subject. But to illustrate another point, there is a girl I used to work with who couldn't have an orgasm without getting fucked in the ass.

BFF: Pff.

CD: No, seriously. She was ashamed of it at first, but then she started telling everyone, which is kind of overcompensating, but regardless, she has this thing which is her form of sexual expression. I don't like anal sex, I mean, c'mon, poop comes out of there. But that's just my preference. So she likes getting fucked in the ass. Do you think she would be correct in taking offense if I suggested she fuck the nearest thing which might in an abstract way fit the most basic of those requirements? What if I told her, 'oh you like anal sex? well why not stick this fucking bowling pin up your ass?' That might be a little offensive to say something so very clearly assumptive about a subject a person knows very little about.

BFF: I still don't get it though. It's not sex.

CD: Well sex to me is not sex.

BFF: Go on.

CD: Traditional sex I find fun, sure...

BFF: What?!

CD: Listen, traditional sex is fun for me, but it's not something I really crave. I'm not mentally wired like you. It's not good enough for me. It's not what I desire. Look, [I get out my cell phone and show him a text] my ex texted me, saying happy birthday and asking if I wanted a birthday blowjob. I said no.

BFF: WTF?!?! O_O

CD: A blowjob is not a fair trade off for having to put up with the personality of a narcissistic ex. However, if she offered something else that she knows would interest me I might not be able to say no.

BFF: Geez. Hey, can I have your ex's number?

CD: Did I ever mention what a good friend you are?

BFF: [thinking] I don't think so.

CD: There's a reason for that.


This is excellent.
A lot of people including myself make confusions here.
Questions like "Is it ballbasting a foreplay activity?" or "Will ballbusting decrease my stamina" or "why this guy is not hard during ballbusting" and so on are floating around.
But yes, ballbusting it is a sexual activity by it's own.
We can combine it or not with other sexual activities including classic sex.

But, the bottom line is that for guys that are into this BB is the most pleasurable sexual activity and the rest are less important.
People are reluctant to admit that because it is a bit tabu to declare that intercourse is not on top of your preferences.

[stman]

Here's part of a conversation I had with a friend upon him finding out I'm into bb.

.

*sigh* Yes, I can relate. You'd think it would be a fairly simple cognitive leap to make from 'this turns him on' to 'gee whiz, maybe he doesn't want everybody doing this to him' but unfortunately not everyone gets the part where it turns you on in the first place. It's more made frustrating because this isn't just theoretical, it's happened to me in the real world.

So far it seems more or less some of my female friends get it, in fact they made the leap before I even finished explaining it. I'm going to rant about this to a therapist in a couple weeks, will be curious to find out whether that person gets it or not either.

And yes, a lot of it has to do with grasping what it means to have a different sexual identity.

[carnivorous_daisy]

*sigh* Yes, I can relate. You'd think it would be a fairly simple cognitive leap to make from 'this turns him on' to 'gee whiz, maybe he doesn't want everybody doing this to him' but unfortunately not everyone gets the part where it turns you on in the first place. It's more made frustrating because this isn't just theoretical, it's happened to me in the real world.

So far it seems more or less some of my female friends get it, in fact they made the leap before I even finished explaining it. I'm going to rant about this to a therapist in a couple weeks, will be curious to find out whether that person gets it or not either.

And yes, a lot of it has to do with grasping what it means to have a different sexual identity.

I'd be interested to hear what the therapist has to say, if you don't mind.

[stman]

I'd be interested to hear what the therapist has to say, if you don't mind.

Sure, I'll post back after.

[dark]

The easiest example I can think of to make people relate to is spanking!

Do women like spanking? Hell Yeah! (at least the 90% of the girls I have been with)

Is spanking sex? No, but it CAN be sexual

Do women like it by any guy, at any place? Of course not! This could be sex offence, degrading and sexist!

voilà

[stman]

I'd be interested to hear what the therapist has to say, if you don't mind.

It went quite well, and I mentioned the violation/assault aspect we talked about here, though well it wasn't easy to get out. The therapist was actually pretty nice, told me there were no problems with me talking about these things, they had plenty of people with fetishes come to them.

Unfortunately it was just a consultation appointment so I won't be seeing a regular until the fall. So I guess I won't have much more to add until then but I'll write back again at some point.