Ballbusting/********** Fettish/Femdom and relationships

[Takethemboth]

I imagine this isn't going to be a very sexy post.

But i had a question for all of you? how does this fettish interact with your daily ordinary life, relationships

I asked because because i'm comming out of quite a very long term relationship, and my first, there where a lot of problems here and there but at one point she found out about my fettishs and it really freaked her out that wasn't the cause primaryly but i think it certainly helped, and i find it hard to blame her. We never did anything even vaguely kinky in bed,mismatched sex drives (pritty much stuck in missionary) like even blow jobs where too much for her ( and to counter the inevitable response i was quite happy to go down on her but she wouldn't let me) but i think she knew i wanted it.

And also. Occasionally my friends have found about them too, it's hard to say 'no you can't use my computer... and google handily stores searches (i've moved to duck duck go, but i know it'll happen again.

So what i want to know is, how have you guys and gulls handled this? i'm hoping some of the women that I've eft this site might provide an insight, because at this stage i'm honestly considering going to my doctor about it and seeing about resolving it, not because i think it's necessarily damaging or wrong but because it's sorta screwing up my life, and in real life i'm trainning in the health care proffessional and all i really want is a few kids a nice house and someone to come home too

[eric B]

Seems like you you've been having a hard time takethemboth, with some worry about the future.

You could try going to a doctor about your fetish, but I seriously don't think he'll be able to do anything about it. I don't think you can change a fetish.

It's sad that you think your fetish contributed to your break up.

It could possibly be a problem for relationships you have in the future, although you may meet someone who reacts differently to it. I think it depends on how much a woman really likes you whether she accepts your kinks (although ********** could freak a lot of people out, it's fair to say)

This might seem like a depressing option to most people but I personally, like quite a few people I know, have gotten used to being happy single.

As long as I've got mates, money and music (and family) I'm fine. Although that option probably seems a lot harder for some people.

[Takethemboth]

I'm of an age where a lot of poeple seem to be reaching that conclusion. I'd like to think i'd find someone who'd be okay with it, but... honestily i don't think it'll happen.

I undertstand paraphilias are almost entirely a male thing and a lot of women end up roped into male grown fettishes there not comofrtable with. (though i find it interesting there are even some women on the board who have fettishes)

I enjoy regular sex a lot, i just sorta.. enjoy other stuff two it's sorta like: If i spend If i spend every night eating pizza i'll want a little dirty shame ridden chips on cheese every-so-often. And i went cold turkey for about a year on this fettish and low and behold it came back.

But... i really don't want to be single, not forever anyway, and i sorta wonder if it should formally introduce potential girlfreinds to the fettish so i can maybe let them slowly adjust to it or wether i should just... get some amazing full proof technology and forever hide a side of my sex drive.

[Selftailer]

While I totally agree with Eric B, but let me say some more things: First: a good feeling in sex depend from how our "preferred plays or fantasies" match with our partner one's. I suppose that this "matching" was quite poor with Your past girl friend. From what You wrote about her, it seems she is quite "flat vanilla" in her sex habitudes. BTW I do not want to judge this because everyone could have a different approach to sex and no one has to be subjected to judgement.
Second: You born with Your "taste" and any doctor will be able to change it.
Third: I agree with You, in several case women accept (with less or more pleasure) their male partner attitudes. But remember, the female erotic imagery is much more wide and complex respect to the male one.
Finally, take is easy, search, explore the sex fantasies of every female You are attrated, by the time passing You will discover an entire world of different whishes, and may be some of them, will pleasently matching with Your. Cheers.

[Takethemboth]

Well... See what the futrue holds, thanks very much

.. also i found a conversation online that gave me a bit of hope

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/discussion/ballbusting-t52860-f20.html

[sebi40]

I have a nice family and a nice vanilla wife.
I tried harder to get rid of this fetish but seems it is impossible.
I enjoy, the same as you, vanilla sex.
Still, I have to admit that getting older I need more and more to have the fetish in my sexual life.
For 20 yo married couple sexual life becoming less interesting even for pure vanilla men.
For men with fetishes, 20 years of marriage with a vanilla woman, will make sexual life just boring.
Still, in the mean time you can have your nice family. The only problem is that you will have an urge to escape later.

I am speaking just for marriages where he is BDSM and she is pure vanilla.

And this is true also. If you open to her in order to convert her to BDSM, but she is flat vanilla, then your sexual life will become worst.

[dark]

Answering to women: No 1 fantasy of women is "R". Secondly I have never ever-ever met a woman who doesn't like spanking, hair pulling etc... ah yeah I forgot when men like something kinky then it is called: perversion!
But this is the general concept in our society. If a woman is doing something sexual then she is sexy, if a man is doing something sexual then he is either gay or pervert... This must change.

I also say to my girlfriends that we us men have all the erotogenic zones on our cock and balls, Whatever you do to them it makes us horny:
You play with them, you lick them, you look at them, you play rough with them, you talk to them, you bite them, you stoke your ass on them, you rest your foot on them, even if you hit them some times ... it just makes us horny!

Talking to my fellow men here... If there is no blowjob or imagination in sex, I don't know how a relationship like this is going to work. To me is like : No Bj, no relationship...

A tip for your internet searches: use "incognito mode" when u live with other people. Or have "Chrome" browser on your desktop and hide somewhere in your computer an "explorer", or the other way around. Use the hidden one for porn.

How to introduce your gf into ballbusting: via spanking (her ass) and after some time play rough with her pussy (slapping when she cums etc). if she likes it, I think it will be easier to bring the reverse scenario up. You can say that "the part of the brain that controls the satisfaction and pain are very close, that's why you like when I slap your ass during sex. A friend of mine told me that if you squeeze my balls when I am about to cum I will feel also big orgasm, but only a little I am not like masochist..." As long as you start these kinky things you can take it further later on.

[Takethemboth]

Appreciate your honest reply....

I think there's probably something to be said for slowly unveiling things... putting my elbows in the water. (i probably will have to abort if she ends up having very strong views on BDSM)

But... i'll take family over sex anyday.

[stman]

(edited) A domme friend once told me about running into absolutely miserable late middle aged old clients who had hid away their sexual needs all their lives, and now they were old and miserable. That... is exactly where I DO NOT want to be! It's interesting because it isn't just my fetish for me though, it's in bed too.. I want to be topped! When I'm on top all the time, after a while I just lose my erection or never ejaculate. It's harder to find compatible partners since most of the women I meet are bottoms. But as far as I'm concerned, it's a two way street. I should please my partner, but my partner should want to please me, too. It's fair, and it's a matter of respecting that I have my own needs too, and I don't have to go the rest of my life hiding them.

If you can find a sex therapist that is kink friendly, I'd highly recommend it. Try fetlife, you can be anonymous and there's entire groups devoted to sharing kink friendly therapist resources all over the world. I've been to see therapists, and therapy is about acceptance, learning how to communicate with your partner(s), and management if it's causing you anxiety. They may help you find ways to broaden your sexuality if you can only get off with ballbusting (clearly not your issue). That's it. It isn't something to feel terrible about. And those people deal with sooo many kinks, and you'd be shocked how embracing of kink that part of the medical community is. They're light-years beyond the so-called 'tolerant' people in our society. I can't recommend it enough. If I could go back in time 10 years, I'd lead myself by the hand to the nearest kink aware sex therapist. I would have saved myself so much grief. Repressing my sexuality was the worst mistake of my life. (There is no such thing as curing a fetish. The medical consensus is that our fetish is as curable as is being gay. I've been into BB since my earliest memories, and I only started to like sex at age 26ish).

Anyway I have less relationships, but I still have had good relationships. My breakups have been plain old life circumstance, and incompatibility, and I'm more careful of whom I date in the first place (I 'come out' at the beginning). Also you don't want to make the relationship all about your fetish, but you don't want to be all miserable about it either. If you think it's a life curse or some terrible condition, you aren't going to make it sound very fun or sexy for your partner. Self-respect is important. Best of luck, it sounds like a very tough situation, but like so many things, it doesn't have to be the end. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

[Takethemboth]

@st See That's more or less exactly my position, I can't really think of too many kinks i'd not want to partisipate in... save possibly ones involving the release of bodily fluids or the really nasty ones.. i'm not a furry for instance, but honestily if my partner wanted me to wear a rhino costume and grunt during sex, sure whatevs, don't get it, but it doene't bother me, and even for my own i'll compromise.. i'd like to be down below or even try some of the more vanilla BDSM stuff (verbnal even).

Can't really afford a sex therapist, i have access to afree counsellor but honestily, i think most owuld find it a little out of thier depth. Looks like there might be someone else on the horizon, don't really know how to handle the sex stuff, when it comes, but maybe when i trust them a little i cant test the water.

[virile]

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/brad-pitt-had-testicles-removed-seven-years-ago-2013051468591