Diary Entry: Ballbusting, My thaughts on the matter

[v15]

Hi, so i keep a diary in witch i write almost every day and i write in it most of the thoughts that bother me, i also write in it evrything that was memorable in a day, and sometimes i write some thoughts on ballbusting, or ballbusting fatasies, and it went a little something like this:

[v15]

I keep watching a TV show here in Romania called: 4 brides, and there is a woman there witch is very provocative, very dominant: a gipsy woman, i like that she is dominant, it turns me on, sometimes when i think about it if i were to chose between 2 women, where one would be very dominant, very provocative and the other would be a very nice sensible timid girl witch never does anything bad, i think i would chose the dominant coky one, and i don't think i would think too much on deciding it, not that i have anything against shy but it is because i am a person with a certain innocence inside me, a certain shyness, and i need a strong woman that can take control, to dominate me, and one that will like doing so, maybe i would like a shy sensible girl too, but i wish for a dominant woman that would dominate me and do wathever she wants with me (Here come the hard parts :) ) i want to be the rag that she cleans on the floor with, her slave, her pet animal that she mocks as she well pleases, i want to trembel in fear every time she is upset and wants to torture me harder, i want my balls to be her personal playthings in witch she lets out all of her frustrarions and anger, and every time she is mad and we heve an argument she would win it, no contest by squishing my balls :) because i am a dirty slave, an inferior being with balls, balls that are the object of womens pleasere, their amusement and i want to be their labrat witch they torture as they damn well please.
Sometimes i have fantasies of a woman kicking my balls and spitting on me at the same time, or that when i am down in pain i would open my mouth and spit into it, other time i like think about a woman kicking me hard so i would fall on the floor, and then when i am in pain she would laugh at me, but of course this dosent always work in real life because sometimes when i find a girl that really pushes my limits and she really dosen't feel any compassion for my pain at all after we are done i get a little bit upset because i am wondering does she cares about me at all ? or is she really kicking,hitting or squishing my balls like im some sort or animal and she dosen't care if i get hurt, but after a few days of thinking i come to my senses i i reallise that that is just bullcrap, theese girls really don't want to hurt me for real, they just like the feeling it gives them. Then i talk to them and i tell them they went too hard, and they show signs that they really didn't want to hurt me, but i really don't think that girls should feel compassion for your pain when they are busting you, that turns me off, but on the other end you have a woman that will push your limits to the extreme and that's not good either, i think she shoud feel a litlle bit of compassion, when she has really pushed you over the limits, and you don't no what you can do to stop her, of course safewords are good too, but i enjoy doing it without them, i enjoy a woman squeezing and slapping my balls for as long as she wishes it and i like her sometimes not to stop when i beg her to, but of course everything has a limit, she has to stop eventually.

[v15]

Part 2: I have some other fantassies: i have a fantasy where i am tied up on the bed and the woman keeps squeezing, slapping my balls and i can't do anything to stop her because of my restraints, or one that i would be tied when i am on my feet spread eagle ant i would have it all aranged that there would be bolts in the walls with chains attached to my feet and wrists to keep them all spread across and a woman would be kicking me and keep kicking me until i can't take it anymore and i couldn't do anything to stop her because i would have a gag in my mouth, and i would muffle something like: " auuuuu aouuugghghsff... " " Please stop !!! " and she would say something like: " what.... ?" I can't hear you" " speak Louder" and keep kicking me:) of course she would stop eventually. I still want to keep my balls.
Well that's it, that's almost all that i thing about when i get turned out beside normal kicking, squeezing and stomping, those were my extreme fatassies and thoughts. Enjoy and please tell me what you think of them. Cheers. Bye !

[One from the Vaults]

Aftercare is very important with any kind of BDSM practice. There's a phenomena called "subdrop" where a sub can end up with intense feelings of isolation, misery, hopelessness etc after a scene, sometimes starting as long as a couple days later. This is less likely to happen when adequate aftercare is provided -- but when we're craving abuse, that's not really on our mind so we often fail to negotiate for it.

What I'd recommend is next time you want your limits to be pushed, specify that you want her to go as hard as she likes (or whatever), but when the scene's over to wrap you in a blanket, bring you some tea, and provide some affection, to help you come back down from your masochist high.

For more on the subject of subdrop check out this article: http://obey-sir.tumblr.com/post/53698093965

[v15]

Thanks, one from the Vaults, i'll keep that in mind, i wasn't always this horny, i usually maintain my level of being horny by refraining from masturbation to a level of once or twice a every 2-3 months, i wish i wouldn't at all and replace it with sex all the time and also i refrain myself from watching any kind of ballbusting porn, long time ago i would watch it 1 or 2 a month but now i can't stop myself from watching it once every 1-2 weeks, but i have learned that not giving into porn keeps me always horny and always in the mood for sex and a really good busting, I usually go to escorts for their services of sex and i ask them to bust my balls, sadly there are no mistresses in the area, the nearest mistress is 500 kilometers away so that's not an option for me, usually once or twice a week is when i visit these escorts and let my demons loose, or if i can say this: they let their demons and frustrations loose on my balls, in the end we are both satisfied :) Thanks for your concearn.