Safe Words - actually, they can be fun

[PunchMyBallsDC]

As victim, I like to beg/plead for her/him (hopefully her...) to stop, and protest that it hurts too much, etc., but still have her/him not stop anyway. That leads to a discussion about safe words. Given the area we are talking about hurting here, it makes sense to have a safe word (eg., "red") that the victim can stay if he REALLY does need it to stop for health reasons. For example, once I got a very sharp terrible leg cramp during a ballbusting, and needed to move around immediately. Of course, you don't want the safe word to be anything the victim might actually say in trying to get relief (eg., the safe word should NOT be "stop"); it has to be a word the victim can remember in a moment of agony, but still off-topic enough that it won't be said accidentally. That's why I like "red".

Safe words are also a good idea in allowing the victim to be subjected to MORE (not less) pain, because with a safe word agreed to in advance the torturer does not have to worry about whether the victim REALLY needs it to stop, and the victim can yell "stop", "it's too much," "please don't do that again", "let me go now!", etc., as much as he wants, to no avail. In fact, the torturer might even want to punish such pathetic begging! If the torturer doesn't hear the safe word ("red" in my case), it's the victim's tough luck.

On the subject of safe words, a 2-layer can work well (eg., "yellow" and "red", where yellow means just let up or back off a little for a minute, and red means you need out of the situation; full-stop). Now, having said that, if you make it TOO easy for the victim to control the intensity, that kind of defeats the purpose. Therefore, once, I came up with the idea of a penalty for use of the safe word. That is, if I say red, yes it stops as promised. But then, after a rest or whatever I need to "recover", I have to take a penalty shot as nasty as the torturer wants to make it. This makes it a pretty interesting psychological dilemma for the victim, because yes you can get relief, but you know that ultimately you are going to make it that much worse for yourself.

Thoughts?

[high_voice]

While I was reading your post, I kept thinking "who is really in control of the ball busting session if you have mid level safe words?" It is possible to "top from the bottom" especially if you have a female that you've begged into busting you and she is only participating for YOUR benefit.

Obviously when your balls are in the hands of a professional or experienced female then you're going to need to have some boundries even if she pulls a Sara and takes you slightly over your desired boundry for her benefit.

Personally, I never desire a level of pain that would require a safe word. I'm more into "mind games" and what I term as "erotic levels" of pain. I do realize that level varies by person.

[PapaBear]

high voice:

You are correct to raise the issue of "topping from the bottom" in this very healthy discussion of "safe words!" For the more experienced ball buster, the very experience she has obtained can teach her when the signs of topping from the bottom are present, and then by simply stopping the activity until the male rethinks the wisdom of loosing what he desires by trying to top from the bottom,she can control that phenomenon. It works every time! Yet for those you described as "begged" into doing the nasty deed, "topping from the bottom" is a situaiton to be recognized and dealth with differently. Safe words in that latter situation can be what the hesitant partner needs to feel safe about striking her man in such a potentially disasterous manner to him. Afterall, women by the nature given them by the creator are nurturing to their loved ones, and often need to be trained in why and how to administer corporal discipline to their children. So in those situations, I would suggest that having "safe words" would be part of the assurance given by the man to the hesitant woman that it will be okay to bust him in the manner described (and which he secretly hopes she will devise by herself for her amusement).

For "professionals," it is a matter of being professional and sane in a world that could get dangerous for either party without the development of a trust that is not subject to interpretation on whether the word used really meant stop or stop after awhile or only after I really scream bloody murder,... I, for one, would not visit someone I did not have a trusting relationship with without very clear negotiation of boundaries and safe word for both parties. After all, if you don't ask, you don't know whether the lady you are visiting wants you to scream with pain or hold your tongue as what she want to hear from us. One woman I visited wanted me to let her know at every level of pain that I felt so that she could better determine how her "applications" were hurting me; whereas, another woman wanted me to take the pain with minimal voice grunts and extreme facial expressions of the struggle to accept the pain for her (guess which one insisted upon being considered sadistic?).

So I agree with you in the conclusion that "safe words" can be a contructive addition to ball busting relationships, if both parties believe they have a place in the proposed activity. Then again, if being abused without limit is the goal of the two participants, safe words would ruin the ambiance! ;)

IMHO,
PapaBear :)

[Trouble]

Afterall, women by the nature given them by the creator are nurturing to their loved ones, and often need to be trained in why and how to administer corporal discipline to their children.

a) Yah lost me.
b) Some women re sadists (by the very nature given to them by the creator), some are inherently nurturing (by the very nature given them by the creator), and some are other things (the creator gave women free will, same as men). Despite the rumours to the contrary, women are not all the same and only some of them need encouragement in BB; ohers take to it like wildfire to a book of matches.

Safe words work with some women; not with others. All depends a whole lot on the man, the woman, and the situation.

"Corporal discipline" is illegal in civilized countries (Sweden, for example); its use here will eventually become illegal if social evolution continues.

BB is, technically, illegal, but I doubt that it has or will lead to many arrests or that it will become less prevalent in the forseeable future (thank goodness!).