What is it I'm really searching for through my femdom ********** fantasies?

[Castratrix's pet]

In some other threads on this forum I have posted detailed descriptions and discussions of my femdom ********** fantasies. Maybe a lot of guys who are into femdom ballbusting are searching for the same thing I'm searching for through my femdom ********** fantasies. Maybe it's the same thing others who are into femdom ********** are really searching for too.

There's something very spiritual about my femdom ********** fantasies. When I'm fantasizing about a beautiful woman or girl cutting my nuts out, there is something deeply spiritual about it and it is definately a deeply spiritual experience for me.

I percieve of God solely as female as Goddess. I worship women as Goddesses. Any woman who has performed a ********** or castrations, especially if it's something she regularly does from time to time, that woman is like God to me. Also women doctors especially women surgeons and women veterinarians.

Even the clothing fetish. Me in a long sleeve shirt with my sleeves down and my arms completely covered in long sleeves symbolizing my weakness, inferiority, total submission. The castratrix wearing a long sleeve shirt with her sleeves rolled up above her elbows symbolizing her total power, control, supremacy, superiority, and total omnipotent power as Goddess Omnipotent.

In my femdom ********** fantasies, The castratrix becomes and is God with God being solely female! The castratrix is The Goddess! I totally worship her as Goddess as she cuts my nuts out, worshi of her that will continue forever after the operation. In the fantasy, not only is my manhood being destroyed, my testicles, my manhood, all of my very being, all of my very essence is being sacrificed the The Goddess and the sacrifice is being performed by The Goddess Herself!

For me to be that totally under the power of a woman and for a woman to have and fully exercise that total power over me. There is actually something very deeply spiritual about that to me.

So what is it I'm really searching for through my femdom ********** fantasies, and in a practical realistic way how do I find or go about finding what it is I'm searching for through my femdom ********** fantasies?

[Fenric]

I reckon yer just searching 4 something to beat off to.
U might as well face the fact that it’s never going to happen.

[Castratrix's pet]

I reckon yer just searching 4 something to beat off to.
U might as well face the fact that it’s never going to happen.

I think it's a lot more than just that. When someone has a strong or deep seated and long term fantasy, whatever that fantasy might be sexual or even ones that are not sexual fantasies, there is something that person is searching for through that fantasy, and it is something a lot deeper and more involved than what appears on the surface.

What I'm trying to understand and figure out is this. What is it I'm really searching for through my femdom ********** fantasies, and how do I go about finding it? That is an especially interesting question when you consider the spiritual nature or feelings that go with my fantasy.

[anatinus]

I think it's a lot more than just that. When someone has a strong or deep seated and long term fantasy, whatever that fantasy might be sexual or even ones that are not sexual fantasies, there is something that person is searching for through that fantasy, and it is something a lot deeper and more involved than what appears on the surface.

What I'm trying to understand and figure out is this. What is it I'm really searching for through my femdom ********** fantasies, and how do I go about finding it? That is an especially interesting question when you consider the spiritual nature or feelings that go with my fantasy.

It's different for everybody. My analysis of my own sexual fantasies has led me to believe that through 'sexualizing' what are generally perceived to be actions eliciting a 'fear' response (the threat of **********, the fear of irreconcilable vulnerablity brought about by a swift kick in the balls), I am obliquely putting DESIRE as a component in the equation of fear, negating what would otherwise be an undesirable experience through a strategy of subconscious self manipulation.....

As a child, it bothered me that women would take ruthless advantage of my clear masculine vulnerability by kicking me in the balls, without a single shred of compassion for my pain, only mocking derision....Same for various ********** threats I have recieved throughout the years, from people as varied as my mothers friends to girlfriends; Mainly delivered for the satisfaction of seeing the lump in my throat form and the troubled look on my face!

I feel to a large extent it is the way my mind has reconciled the ludicrous vulnerability of male sexuality coupled with my experiences of women taking advantage of it and the clear lack of feminine compassion on the matter. What turns me on most about ballbusting (and ********** fantasies) is the feeling of utter vulnerability; The pain is simply a manifest reminder of the undeniable extent of said vulnerability...

If so, it's certainly worked, because it doesn't bother me at all any more to be on the ground gasping for breath while a woman laughs and says, "wow, I'm glad I'm not a man!"...In fact this is precisely the experience I crave! An exgirlfriend of my described the ballbusting fetish as essentially "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". Because we certainly can't beat 'em, at least in a crotch kicking contest!

In conclusion, it's a worthwhile search to elucidate what makes your particular sexuality tick..It certainly hasn't decreased my enjoyment of the act to have illuminated aspects of my own sexuality, in fact, it has only made it easier to jerk off to my own 'sick' fantasies having some inkling of why they might exist!

I'm personally wary of the word 'spiritual'....It implies too heavily that there might be some universal 'truth' to be found, which I don't personally subscribe too.....I can't see women as 'the goddess', just unbearably alluring humans, which for clear biological reasons, are less vulnerable than men in a way intrinsically linked to our collective human sexuality.

[Bremuse0]

Were you drunk when you wrote this?

And what is with your obsession with sleeves?

[Androzani]

Why don’t you just cut your own nuts off or get one of the guys on the gay scene that do this sort of stuff to wear a wig and rolled up sleeves?
If you’ve got 10,000 bucks to spare then there are a couple of gals in Mexico that might nut you.
Believe me, you’re best off keeping it as a fantasy.
If you go through with it you’ll likely end up more fucked up than you already are! :eek: