mickeybb
03-10-2009, 10:03 PM
The Ledger
My name is Bob, I am 22 years old. I live with my mother Jane and sister Susie, who just turned 18. My father left us when I was 15 and Susie was just 8. Since mom worked a lot of hours to make enough to support the family I often had to watch Susie. I am 6'4" tall like my dad, but Susie was always petite about 5'1" tall and only 98 lbs. even at age 18.
I don't know why but I always teased Susie about being short, saying things like:
-that's the long and short of it
-what is the difference between a midget and a dwarf, and which one
are you
-can you limbo under the couch and see if the remote fell under there
-asking her to stand up when she was already standing
- telling her she has pretty eyes, when she was standing on a chair or up a couple of steps, like I've never seen them before.
Susie never seemed upset when I called her shorty or half pint or any other name you can imagine as a rude thing to say to a short ( or vertically challenged ) person, but I was about to find out she was keeping score and
payback would be a ball-buster.
Today mom came home in a bad mood and seemed to take it out on me, but not on Susie. I was a little annoyed with that and called Susie a midget. Mom hit the roof "You've lived here rent free since you graduated high school
and I have treated you with a respect that you haven't really earned, but all you do is mooch and pick on your little ( and here I made the mistake of snickering at the little comment ) sister. Those days are over mister. Susie go get your ledger."
"What ledger?" I asked.
"The ledger mom told me to start about 3 years ago, counting every time you insulted me or picked on me." Susie said. Now I was getting nervous. I was kidding most of the time but if she wrote down every time it would look bad.
"Now if you want to continue to live here, there will be new rules." Mom said in a stern tone. "Your rude and mean comments to your sister have put you in debt to her and we will even this ledger starting now."
"Mom I was only teasing her, and she acted like she didn't care, but if she wants to call me dummy, or idiot or whatever she can go ahead."
"You are an idiot but you don't get to decide how she pays you back. SHE DOES!! With my help and guidance." Just then Susie returned with the ledger actually 3 spiral notebooks, wow was I really that mean? "Susie do you have
our running total?"
"Yes mom, it's 8913. Wow what a dick he's been." said Susie with a little smile at me, knowing she was getting some payback of some sort which I was unaware as of yet.
Mom sat down on the couch and told Susie and I to sit as well. "Here is what Susie will get to choose from for a total payback of eight thousand nine hundred thirteen: she can insult you, which you deserve but I wouldn't waste
them on, or make you do a chore for her, or look taller for 1 minute by ******* you to lay down so she stand on you..." At this point I started to object but was silenced by a slap in the face from Susie. "....as I was saying stand on you for 1 minute, or slap you as you just witnessed but that was to stop you interrupting so it won't count against Susie, or kick you, or jump on you but that will take off 2 points even though she is very petite, or make you rub her feet for 5 minutes, or clean her shoes with your tongue 1 point for a pair of shoes, or practice her self defense moves for 5 minutes but that will cost 5 points but no per kick or punch charge and you can't fight back, oh I forgot punching and kicking 1 point each but because I feel some sympathy kicks to the balls will count 2 points if Susie wears heels or boots,1 point if her tennies or barefoot. Susie have I forgotten any?"
"Yes mom how many points if I stick my sweaty socks in his mouth? And when I stand on him can I stand anywhere? And what if I need my pretty little toenails painted? And can I make him rub my feet and smell them when Jonny comes over, that would be awesome maybe Jonny would rub my feet too he always looks at them, it would be hard not to they're so cute and tiny size 5 and a half." As she was talking she held her tiny but, yes, cute
foot in front of my face.
Mom took a deep breath before addressing all of Susie's questions. "Okay 1 point for 1 minute of socks, unless you wear them more than one day then 1 point per day of wear per minute." Susie gave an awwwwww... like she
wanted to stick her 4 day old gym socks in my mouth, I was getting very scared. Mom continued "yes you can stand anywhere when you stand on him, but if you stand on his face or balls you have to take off your shoes or it'll cost 2 points for 5 minutes, you know what I think he's been such a jerk he can paint your toes once a week for no points but 2 points for an additional toenail painting in the same week. If Bob brings Jonny or anyone else over to OUR HOUSE he will be subject to any embaressement we choose, however if Jonny rubs your feet or performs any of Bobs tasks it will still take the same number of points off as if Bob had done it. So Bob does this sound fair no actually forget fair , does it sound like payback?"
"You're crazy if you think I'm doing any of that I'll just move out, I am not letting that midget stand on me or stick her dirty socks in my mouth." I replied amazed they thought I would put up with that. BAMMM!!!!
Susie's size 5.5 foot was planted in between my legs with astonishing speed.
"5 more points for the word midget from now on we add 5 to the ledger every time you insult her or pick on her and no points off for that kick either." Mom told me. "And if you think this deal is unfair how about we call 911 and tell them you hit your mother and sister. In jail you wouldn't get anything as tasty as Susie's socks shoved in your mouth that's for sure."
They both were laughing as the realization that I was going to have to work off all my rudeness from 3 years.
"Okay now we're at 8918, let's work it down to 8900 even before I go to bed." Susie said with more excitement than i had ever seen her show. She slipped off her white ankle socks and stuck them in my waiting mouth "5 points for 5 minutes of socks," BAMMM!! " another 1 point for a barefoot kick in balls, hell make it 2 points," BAMMM "now I'll stand on you for five minutes, then five of self defense. Let's see 1 more point to use tonight, I could make
you take out the trash, nahhhh" BAMMMM!!!!! the worst kick to my tender balls so far. " Here I go, I'm stepping up on your chest how does that feel?"
"Hmmmphhh itch" Was the witty reply I came up with through Susie's dirty sock.
"Did you just call me a bitch? Mom back to 8905. Now I'm stepping on your face with my adorable little feet. Heck I probably don't have to tell you where I'm stepping even though I only weigh 98 lbs. you can probably
feel it right? See if you can feel this..." she stepped on my balls, after having kicked them several times I didn't feel it very much. ".... can you feel it? Hell I got 5 more points after that bitch comment might as well use 'em up.
Mom how many points for a stomp?"
"Since we didn't establish that it'll count 1 point for now," STOMP,whimper, STOMP, whine, STOMP, cry, STOMP, sob, STOMP, nothing.
"Mom, he passed out don't count that last stomp, as a matter of fact it was pretty rude to pass out while I was stomping his balls. I think we should add 5 points for rudeness." She continued to stand on my balls, I'm not positive how long I was out but she got more stomps and standing than the points she took off for sure.
I did some math and found that the number of points was over 8 per day for 3 years. Some quick math told me I could be kicked or stomped in the balls 8 times a day for 3 years and that's assuming I can break the habit
of making rude smartass comments, I hope that I can. I'll keep telling myself:
-rude comment= kick in the balls
-rude comment= kick in the balls
-rude comment= kick in the balls
-rude comment= kick in the balls
THE END (BUT REALLY JUST THE BEGINNING).
My name is Bob, I am 22 years old. I live with my mother Jane and sister Susie, who just turned 18. My father left us when I was 15 and Susie was just 8. Since mom worked a lot of hours to make enough to support the family I often had to watch Susie. I am 6'4" tall like my dad, but Susie was always petite about 5'1" tall and only 98 lbs. even at age 18.
I don't know why but I always teased Susie about being short, saying things like:
-that's the long and short of it
-what is the difference between a midget and a dwarf, and which one
are you
-can you limbo under the couch and see if the remote fell under there
-asking her to stand up when she was already standing
- telling her she has pretty eyes, when she was standing on a chair or up a couple of steps, like I've never seen them before.
Susie never seemed upset when I called her shorty or half pint or any other name you can imagine as a rude thing to say to a short ( or vertically challenged ) person, but I was about to find out she was keeping score and
payback would be a ball-buster.
Today mom came home in a bad mood and seemed to take it out on me, but not on Susie. I was a little annoyed with that and called Susie a midget. Mom hit the roof "You've lived here rent free since you graduated high school
and I have treated you with a respect that you haven't really earned, but all you do is mooch and pick on your little ( and here I made the mistake of snickering at the little comment ) sister. Those days are over mister. Susie go get your ledger."
"What ledger?" I asked.
"The ledger mom told me to start about 3 years ago, counting every time you insulted me or picked on me." Susie said. Now I was getting nervous. I was kidding most of the time but if she wrote down every time it would look bad.
"Now if you want to continue to live here, there will be new rules." Mom said in a stern tone. "Your rude and mean comments to your sister have put you in debt to her and we will even this ledger starting now."
"Mom I was only teasing her, and she acted like she didn't care, but if she wants to call me dummy, or idiot or whatever she can go ahead."
"You are an idiot but you don't get to decide how she pays you back. SHE DOES!! With my help and guidance." Just then Susie returned with the ledger actually 3 spiral notebooks, wow was I really that mean? "Susie do you have
our running total?"
"Yes mom, it's 8913. Wow what a dick he's been." said Susie with a little smile at me, knowing she was getting some payback of some sort which I was unaware as of yet.
Mom sat down on the couch and told Susie and I to sit as well. "Here is what Susie will get to choose from for a total payback of eight thousand nine hundred thirteen: she can insult you, which you deserve but I wouldn't waste
them on, or make you do a chore for her, or look taller for 1 minute by ******* you to lay down so she stand on you..." At this point I started to object but was silenced by a slap in the face from Susie. "....as I was saying stand on you for 1 minute, or slap you as you just witnessed but that was to stop you interrupting so it won't count against Susie, or kick you, or jump on you but that will take off 2 points even though she is very petite, or make you rub her feet for 5 minutes, or clean her shoes with your tongue 1 point for a pair of shoes, or practice her self defense moves for 5 minutes but that will cost 5 points but no per kick or punch charge and you can't fight back, oh I forgot punching and kicking 1 point each but because I feel some sympathy kicks to the balls will count 2 points if Susie wears heels or boots,1 point if her tennies or barefoot. Susie have I forgotten any?"
"Yes mom how many points if I stick my sweaty socks in his mouth? And when I stand on him can I stand anywhere? And what if I need my pretty little toenails painted? And can I make him rub my feet and smell them when Jonny comes over, that would be awesome maybe Jonny would rub my feet too he always looks at them, it would be hard not to they're so cute and tiny size 5 and a half." As she was talking she held her tiny but, yes, cute
foot in front of my face.
Mom took a deep breath before addressing all of Susie's questions. "Okay 1 point for 1 minute of socks, unless you wear them more than one day then 1 point per day of wear per minute." Susie gave an awwwwww... like she
wanted to stick her 4 day old gym socks in my mouth, I was getting very scared. Mom continued "yes you can stand anywhere when you stand on him, but if you stand on his face or balls you have to take off your shoes or it'll cost 2 points for 5 minutes, you know what I think he's been such a jerk he can paint your toes once a week for no points but 2 points for an additional toenail painting in the same week. If Bob brings Jonny or anyone else over to OUR HOUSE he will be subject to any embaressement we choose, however if Jonny rubs your feet or performs any of Bobs tasks it will still take the same number of points off as if Bob had done it. So Bob does this sound fair no actually forget fair , does it sound like payback?"
"You're crazy if you think I'm doing any of that I'll just move out, I am not letting that midget stand on me or stick her dirty socks in my mouth." I replied amazed they thought I would put up with that. BAMMM!!!!
Susie's size 5.5 foot was planted in between my legs with astonishing speed.
"5 more points for the word midget from now on we add 5 to the ledger every time you insult her or pick on her and no points off for that kick either." Mom told me. "And if you think this deal is unfair how about we call 911 and tell them you hit your mother and sister. In jail you wouldn't get anything as tasty as Susie's socks shoved in your mouth that's for sure."
They both were laughing as the realization that I was going to have to work off all my rudeness from 3 years.
"Okay now we're at 8918, let's work it down to 8900 even before I go to bed." Susie said with more excitement than i had ever seen her show. She slipped off her white ankle socks and stuck them in my waiting mouth "5 points for 5 minutes of socks," BAMMM!! " another 1 point for a barefoot kick in balls, hell make it 2 points," BAMMM "now I'll stand on you for five minutes, then five of self defense. Let's see 1 more point to use tonight, I could make
you take out the trash, nahhhh" BAMMMM!!!!! the worst kick to my tender balls so far. " Here I go, I'm stepping up on your chest how does that feel?"
"Hmmmphhh itch" Was the witty reply I came up with through Susie's dirty sock.
"Did you just call me a bitch? Mom back to 8905. Now I'm stepping on your face with my adorable little feet. Heck I probably don't have to tell you where I'm stepping even though I only weigh 98 lbs. you can probably
feel it right? See if you can feel this..." she stepped on my balls, after having kicked them several times I didn't feel it very much. ".... can you feel it? Hell I got 5 more points after that bitch comment might as well use 'em up.
Mom how many points for a stomp?"
"Since we didn't establish that it'll count 1 point for now," STOMP,whimper, STOMP, whine, STOMP, cry, STOMP, sob, STOMP, nothing.
"Mom, he passed out don't count that last stomp, as a matter of fact it was pretty rude to pass out while I was stomping his balls. I think we should add 5 points for rudeness." She continued to stand on my balls, I'm not positive how long I was out but she got more stomps and standing than the points she took off for sure.
I did some math and found that the number of points was over 8 per day for 3 years. Some quick math told me I could be kicked or stomped in the balls 8 times a day for 3 years and that's assuming I can break the habit
of making rude smartass comments, I hope that I can. I'll keep telling myself:
-rude comment= kick in the balls
-rude comment= kick in the balls
-rude comment= kick in the balls
-rude comment= kick in the balls
THE END (BUT REALLY JUST THE BEGINNING).