Convincing the wife?

[Galaxyife]

So there are obviously lots of folks on here that have probably been up against this wall before. I am in my mid 30's and been into BB since I was a young teen (big surprise there, huh)? Anyway, I am trying to figure out a good way to express my desire to be busted to the wife without really f*ing up things. In the past, when I have gotten serious w/ a gal and brought up my wishes, they have freaked out (all but one) and things were never really the same again. I would really like to not freak out my wife, but then again, I have an insatiable appetite and am tired of spending money on dommes and girls from CL when I have a beautiful wife that I know could rock my world.

I have tried to get her to squeeze up on my balls and she does, but when I tell her "harder" she really won't do so. When she has made comments about kicking me in the balls, or someother "threat down there", I will make a comment along the lines of "oh, some foreplay, huh?" but she laughs and thinks nothing else about it.

So, I am soliciting good advice from the folks here...I look forward to all your great advice!

[pianoboy75]

I'd say You are on the right track - taking one step after the other. I also started by giving hints so that my wife learned that I actually liked it rough and painful. I assume Your wife loves You ;-) so she might not want to hurt You! Therefore You have to show that BB or whatever practice is something that You like. My wife then did what I asked for - first reluctantly (as to see whether it's really ok) but now it's a regular part and I think sometimes she might already enjoy it herself....

[jm1803]

dude COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!! you should have told this to her YEARS AGO!! i dont know where your mind is...

anyways i have told dozens of women about my fetish's, and only ONE oout of MANY, freaked out about it. And dude shes your wife, shes loves you, and wants to connect with you and take care of you. COMMUNICATE your desires, im almost certain she will satisfy you... and dude news flash communication is a key part of any relationship, regardless if it is a sexual relationship or friendship... Your IQ or knowledge of this topic is lacking, you should seriously read up on it!

[Alec Anaconda]

In the past, when I have gotten serious w/ a gal and brought up my wishes, they have freaked out (all but one) and things were never really the same again.


Why did you let that one go?

[dark_herc]

i guess depending on her personality and how conservative she is i would maybe work your way into it. but in all honesty i just told all my girlfriends right after we started getting physical that i like my balls beat up. i even got the most conservative girl i knew to do it with me, and she was Mormon. just dont say it in a way that makes you look like a freak. we are all normal people, we just like different things than the rest of the world. just have fun and stay classy.

[Drifter]

"I have tried to get her to squeeze up on my balls and she does, but when I tell her "harder" she really won't do so. When she has made comments about kicking me in the balls, or someother "threat down there", I will make a comment along the lines of "oh, some foreplay, huh?" but she laughs and thinks nothing else about it".

I have the same problem, I think pianoboy is right, she loves me, and telling her about this is like a "ha ha good joke", so I think "patience" is the key, one step at a time... :asleep

Hey Dark herc... you are my hero, a Mormon girl, wow!!! I used to date one for almost a year, and I almost become a monk, haha.

[HsspodeBusted]

Next time she "threatens" you, challange her to do it. Play against her tough attitude and act tough yourself...like "yeah right, I could stand it..." If she is like most girls she will want to prove you wrong. If she goes for it don't act like she is killing you when she does it...stay playful...later, talk about it and tell her that it turned you on "a little". Tell her she was sexy and had a hot grin on her face, she should go for that. After you played around with it, then you can later transition it to the bedroom.

[skweezme]

dude COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!! you should have told this to her YEARS AGO!! i dont know where your mind is...

anyways i have told dozens of women about my fetish's, and only ONE oout of MANY, freaked out about it. And dude shes your wife, shes loves you, and wants to connect with you and take care of you. COMMUNICATE your desires, im almost certain she will satisfy you... and dude news flash communication is a key part of any relationship, regardless if it is a sexual relationship or friendship... Your IQ or knowledge of this topic is lacking, you should seriously read up on it!

This poster's spot on, though a little rude? And other posters seem good, too. Your situation is so much like mine except I'm older and been married a long time. My Domme has made me realise how crucial good communication is.

Made me realise I've always been embarassed to tell my wife anything too specific. She knows I like to be tied up but we haven't done that for years (privacy thing with kids etc). And she knows I ilke having my balls hurt and will squeeze them I think as hard as she can in foreplay. Which is good.

But I could tell her or show her more painful squeezing techniques. But I haven't. I just hoped and wished she'd get into it a bit more and find them herself. Hoped she'd read my mind. My Domme has helped me realise I need to do more, to communicate better. Once, over 20 years ago, she decided to slap my balls a couple of times. I just loved her taking the initiative then! But I've never actually asked her to do it again. Again, I've just been waiting for the magic to happen without communicating about it.

I'm feeling more confident about asking for what I want now. Because being with my wonderful Domme has crystalised it for me. Perhaps I didn't really know, before, what to ask for. Now I do. I'm going to outline a little half-hour scenario where we both get sexual satisfaction, but I also get continual tease-and-denial (where good communication, as I found to my expense :o , is crucial) and also get lots of ball squeezing and slapping to repeated submissions (communication again).

And she gets to give me that whole thing I've only been hinting at for years, leaving her unsure about what exactly I wanted her to do cos I never told her. She'll get access to my fantasies at last. Might even have some needs she's never told me about.

So that's been my amazingly obvious discovery about how to get this fantasy for so many years to happen - I haven't been communicating. Maybe because I had no idea what specifically I wanted to ask her to do. So she obviously has no idea. Just that I want her to hurt my balls. What is she supposed to do? Guess and get it wrong?

So I sympathise with your plight. But I think I've found my answer. Good luck, mate!

[bagman57mt]

Skweezeme, your right communication is the the golden rule our girls/doms/GF/Partners/wives have to know what we want it took me a few years to get over this but we started by pulling and squeezing then the love for each other sprung up once they are assured that the pain factor is good for one ( and it is) it comes easier to them to such a degree that it can progress to some really good experiences but it begins with effective communication Bagman

[darkwing]

I think you're on the right track with the communication route.

How about like a goal. Have here squeeze just hard enough so you arch your back. Or, have her hold tight like she's trying to keep you from escaping while you're trying to pull away, and then have her try a short series of quick squeezes ("reminder" squeezes) to make you stop trying to pull away. Maybe get her to do this while she's trying to make you ejaculate with her other hand.

[Balloney]

My wife is really conservative, and she loves me. She doesn't want to hurt me. But many years ago, I convinced her that I enjoy squeezing and testicle spankings. I do. I don't enjoy BB because it hurts. I enjoy it because it feels good. (It can hurt, but it also feels good if it builds up right.)

When we were newly married, we had sex just about every night except for periods. Her sex drive wasn't as high as mine, so it would be one night of intercourse followed by a handjob the next day/night. I had her do ball spanking during the hand job.

When I asked her to squeeze, it was really week. So i had her make a ring between my testicles and my body and pull it tight, and then i asked her to squeeze. Then she figured out some intense stuff to do that I can't say completely enjoyed, but didn't tell her to stop either. She'd pinch my testicles between her fingers, or do this thing where she stretches my balls down in my well-lumbed scrotum and then rub her hand against them pressing hard against them at the same time.

Squeezing can't compare to a really well done ball spanking, IMO. At first she did this kind of light, but I'd keep asking her to do it harder and faster. If she got it good and hard, I'd asker her to surpise me with a really hard one from time to time (when she got me to the point where the ball spanking felt really good.) Sometimes, she'd give me handjobs when she was really sleepy over the years, and on occasion, she used her fist.

I remember early in our marriage asking her to use a belt. She thought that was weird and acted like I was some kind of freak. Some people like being teased like that. I don't. Occasionally my wife will say something like that about giving me a ball spanking.

Many years after the leather belt comment, I wondered about getting a ball spanking with a wooden spoon. We had one we used to spank the kids with. I left it on the bed, to make it look like we'd left it there to deal with the kids, and asked her to give me a ball spanking. She volunteered the idea of using the spoon so her hand wouldn't get as tired. I tried to look reluctant and said okay. The spoon had a hole in it, and it was awfully hard to get a spanking with it. So I ended up putting a rubber thing around it that was part of a sex toy. It was too hard, really, but much better with the rubber padding. I prefer her normal method of good solid palm slaps getting harder and harder, about one or two a second for 10 or 20 minutes or until I orgasm. I don't like fingers and the scrotal pain they bring.

Occasionally, I have thought about asking for knees or feet, but I just know my wife wouldn't really go for that. The most she has done with this is barely pat me with a knee when I asked. She wouldnt' go for anything that left me on the floor coughing. I might want to try it if she was up for it, a little. I'm not really into anything that intense. Well, maybe I am. She's used a fist on my testicles before and I've asked for it harder. That's more controlled and predictible, I think.

I don't think my wife really enjoys the whole thing that much. She does it to satisfy me sexually. One time, though, she did seem to have fun with it. My testicles weren't 'warmed up' and she was spanking them. I'd close my legs when she did it. She took charge and pushed my legs open and insisted I take it. That was hot.

Another time, my wife just gave me a handjob, and after my orgasm, insisted I needed another one, and one was not enough. I was always doing that kind of stuff to her. She was really take-charge about it. It was really hot. It turns out she was kind of angry with me about something, I found out afterward.

I really enjoy the sensation of kneeling down on all fours while she spanks my balls from behind. She doesn't like it thought because I'm pointing my butt at her.

Anyway, if you want your wife to play rough with your testicles, does she ever give you HJs or BJs? If so, ask her to squeeze your testicles a little. When she does it, tell her it feels really good if she does it harder. Tell her the idea that it hurts so bad to squeeze a man's balls is highly exaggerated, and doesn't apply the same way when there is sexual stimulation. then you can work up to having her pat your balls. Then ask her to do it harder. You don't have to have her go super hard the first time.

I don't tell my wife, 'ouch' or cough or anything. If it does hurt too bad, I'll as her to stop for a while and do something else. If she does spank me hard and I enjoy it (which is why I ask for it) I'll look up at her when she rests up from the spanking and say 'Thank you.' with great sincerity and intensity. "This feels so goooooood." When its all done, you can tell her how amazing it was, try to explain how intense the feeling was, how great the orgasm was, to reinforce how much you liked it.

[Balloney]

After writing that message, I realized I needed a good ball-spanking last night. I hadn't had one in probably a couple of months. This is the kind of thing I ask for and get about once a month anyway these days.

My wife had made love to me the night before. Last night, we did it again. That's pretty good for her to do that. I'd like to have sex every night if possible, giving her breaks for her period, illness, etc. But it doesn't turn out that way with her sex drive being lower than mine, and all the kids.

Anyway, I told her after I entered her that I would like a ball spanking later. So, after she had an orgasm, she said she'd had enough. It was late so I didn't convince her to have more, and more, and more like normal. We talked about I pulled out for a ball spanking.

She was tired and wanted to lay down. I tried to talk her into sitting up to give me a proper hand job with the ball busting, but she said she was too tired. So she spanked my balls a bit.

Then, I asked her to squeeze. I could barely feel it. I had her pull my balls out with one hand, and squeeze them with the other. (This is a way to get your wife to squeeze you harder. She can squeeze just as hard, but it gets to you a lot better if you have her pull them out and just squeeze that pouch they make when you do that.) At first she started pinching. Ouch. I asked her to squeeze. She did. It hurt, but after a few minutes, it started to feel really good. Then I asked her to keep the balls stretched and spank. We alternated between that. This had made me really horny and my penis was bigger than normal. Normally, she might want me to re-enter to finish up when I get like that, but she was too tired to care. This kind of stimulation doesn't cause me to orgasm, so after adding in some penile stimulation along with the ball spanking, I finally ejaculated. We washed up and called it quits for the night. This experience left me limp but still horny on some level. I hope she is up for some intercourse tonight.

[cracker]

women I have asked to squeeze my balls have done so reluctantly. It's verboten in our society and most women have never been asked to do it before. Yes, they are afraid of hurting you but also don't really seem to enjoy it. I remember bringing one woman from squeezing to slapping and she was not happy. Someone who is really open minded, who you make feel good sexually, and best yet likes pain themselves would be the right person to try it with. Ask your wife to do it on your birthday or when she is drunk. Don't show that it hurts too much.

Recently, an open minded woman squeezed and slapped my balls hard. But even with her I felt she was not entirely comfortable ("You're into pain."). If she liked pain herself I think it would be much better.

[elotro222]

So try to introduce it with humor. It is always better not to over dramatize, because that will put intense pressure on her. It is advisable (even necessary) to be frank, so tell her your feelings, but not everything at once. As she has been your partner for some time, she may feel cheated if you just reveal your whole new nature. Forget about radical confessions. There would be nothing worse than you on your knees crying for her to make you a pain slut (unless you are trying to make her laugh ... and she understands the joke).
I agree with majority of the former advices. Try small steps, thanking her, explaining how much you enjoy her tryouts (even if they are not what you expect). Appeal to her love for you, but do not impose your needs as if blackmailing her. Give her time to think and even to back out, and always reassure her afterwards.
And again, most important, grease everything with sense of humor.
Good luck

[poolman2]

Balloney,

Try gradually introducing her to the ballbusting activities you want. Minimize the discussion of it in advance. Suggest you want to try something new. Say you need for her to do it harder so you can get more stimulation, and hence pleasure. Do not talk about pain, sadomasochism, or the like. Whatever you do, at the early stages, do not show pain. To the extent you must talk at all, refer to new and fun activities. Keep it positive, and do not be overly verbal.

Good luck, :)

poolman2

[skweezme]

Balloney,

Try gradually introducing her to the ballbusting activities you want. Minimize the discussion of it in advance. Suggest you want to try something new. Say you need for her to do it harder so you can get more stimulation, and hence pleasure. Do not talk about pain, sadomasochism, or the like. Whatever you do, at the early stages, do not show pain. To the extent you must talk at all, refer to new and fun activities. Keep it positive, and do not be overly verbal.

Good luck, :)

poolman2

Hmmm. Know where you're coming from Poolman2. On the other hand, maybe verbalising your needs is what you need to do, Galaxylife. I agree it could be OK not to mention pain or SM as such. But you need to tell her what you want. Not hints. Tell her what you need.

I'm going to tell my longtime partner soon. Be a bit more specific. Tease and denial. Ballbusting. Cunniligus. Suggest a 30 min scenario. She's going to think I'm wierd, but she'll probably give it a go. Be pleased I've told her.

:)

[Alec Anaconda]

Here’s one method that is worth a try.

Tell her your back is giving you problems, so you want to give her cunnilingus.
Ask her to play with your balls gently and to leave your cock alone, until she has come.

Lay on your back, with a pillow under your head.
Ask her to get into a sixty-nine position, but tell her not to fellate.

Now get your tongue and all ten digits working double time.
Make sure her clit gets plenty of tongue.
Ensure that your ears are not bent over by her thighs; nobody likes cauliflower ears.
If you can speak, then you are too far away!

By her second orgasm, your neck and face should be held with agonising pressure from her thighs, your balls should be well busted and you should have received a bloody good blowjob.

On no account, can you give any indication of pain during the proceedings!

If she apologises for getting carried away, assure her that you are a strong man, not a soft boy.
Tell her that you appreciate a passionate woman.

[Alec Anaconda]

Anybody tried this?

[Galaxyife]

Thanks everyone for the replies. First, BB is a great activity, but it wasn't the #1 thing I was looking for in a wife. If she never busts my balls, that's OK...the rest will more than makes up for that.

With that being said, alcohol has really become a hepful key. Inhibitions are much less and about a week ago, I was able to "push it a little farther". You can get away with a lot when you are f*ed up, and I used that to my advantage. We had some of the best sex of our relationship after a good day/night of drinking, and I was able to verbalize my enjoyment of a good, hard, ball squeeze. She was rocking my world very well, and without much thought, I just yelled "squeeze my balls harder!!! Squeeze the shit out of them!!!" and she did. It hurt so freakin' good and I damn near blew my load all over hell's half acre. Afterwards, I expressed my great satisfaction and she seemed happy to oblige. I also got one helluva foot job, which was a bonus. I almost told her to give me a good kick...but I was enjoying the FJ too much to go and fuck it up.

I have used the "humor" quite a bit to encourage her. An example...I said something at dinner and she threatened to "grind her heel into my foot". I told her to at least make it count and do that to my balls. She laughed at it...so I am slowly working towards it. I have no issues in taking this very slow and most of the advice is prudent and smart. The last thing I want to do is come across as a crazy freak...although I guess that is what I really am, huh? :)

I have an idea though and I wanted to see what you guys (and gals) thought of it. On occassion, I will have some pretty kick ass dreams about sex. My wife does too. We usually share our dreams in talk and in practice. I thought about telling her that I had a "way crazy dream" about her kicking me in the nuts and that it made me mad/crazy horny. At that point she may offer to kick me...at least I think she would. Once we saw something on TV about someone getting nailed in the nards and I said something about damn, that'll make you feel good inside, and she came back with "you want me to kick you in the nuts?" I knew she was kidding and I was totally taken off guard so I could only mumble "well, no...that's crazy". Anyway...back to the dream scenario...if she asks, then I would hesitate and tell her...well, maybe just a light kick and then just go from there...What do you think?!?

Damn all this talk has me horny as hell and she is laying on the couch with her sexy feet just sitting there. I wish I could just say "The top of your foot needs to be on the bottom of my balls..." :o

[poolman2]

Galazyife,

Go for it! :bananad:

If you think she might have qualms about hurting you, ask her to start kicking very light and barefooted with gradual increases so that you see how much you enjoy. That may allay any anxiety.

Have fun,

poolman2

[dark_herc]

Galazyife

when alcohol used just say that you kinda want to get kicked. and make sure she knows that you want her to do it. my girlfriend isnt into hurting me, she mainly does it because she knows i like it, and therefor she can get into it too. just try it out.

and plus, she is your wife. she cant not love you for a silly fetish of yours. ha

[Galaxyife]

Well an update to my situation. It was almost getting to the point of an OCD episode, so I knew I needed to do something. We drank quite a bit yesterday, but just enough for her to pass out last night :cussing: Anyway, I had a tough time sleeping (BAD case of blueballs) and kept running different scenarios through my head. The day before, we were sitting on the couch and after I made some smartass remark, she cranked up her leg and said "I'm gonna kick your balls right into your throat!!!". I was instantly hard and again, at a loss for words. So many excellent opportunities had passed me by, hence the hard time sleeping last night. ANYWAY....(sorry about the ramble) I had come up with the plan of telling her I really appreciate the good squeezes and how I am "pushed to the edge" with the constant pleasure/pain factor. Stroke, squeeze, yank, stroke...you get what I am saying. I had planned on asking how open minded she was and go from there. Of course, when she woke up, I started to chicken out again...the fear of "what they hell is wrong with you?!?" started to inch itself back into my mind. So, she woke up horny and we messed around some and after another smart ass remark to her (I am a VERY sarcastic SOB) she said, "sometimes I just want to slap this s*** out of you!". This was it...no turning back now. So, I make the comment, "so you want to slap something, huh" to which lead to the discussion about how much I love the pleasure/pain of her "ball brutality". She then gave me a good tap, I asked if that was all she had, and she gave me a damn good slap. This went on for a couple of minutes (and oh my GOD did it hurt SO F*ING GOOD!!! Blue balls and good slaps...just heaven!!!). I asked her if it bothered her, and she told me "no, I just don't want to hurt you". I told her that was kinda the point, and she smiled, laughed and called me a freak...but in a really good way. At this point, I went for the gold. I asked her if she would "kick it up a notch". She responded, "what else!?!?". So I asked her straight up..."would you kick me in the balls?". And she said "really, OK, whatever you want"...I could have jizzed myself right then. There were a little bit of logisitics of getting "kicked" (she has a slight issue on being stark naked with the bright lights of the morning coming in) but I got a couple good ones and even a couple of decent knees. Nothing was too hard, as I wanted to keep her from being overwhelmed with the "activities" I had suggested. She was wet as hell, rode me like a horse and "got hers". I started to assume the position (old skool missionary) but I asked for a couple of good kicks first...and she obliged. I came so f*ing hard, I was afraid I was going to rip something. The only question she asked was "why did you wait so long to tell me this?". I explained that it's a "little different" and was worried what she would think. I asked her what her reaction would have been if I brought it up years ago and she said "I would just think you're a little freak, but I knew that all along..." DAMN!!! I should have done this LONG ago!!! I went out and mowed the grass and came back in before she left for work...she was totally cool. I was a little worried that "after the fact" she would think about it some and get concerned...but she didn't. As a matter of fact, when she came out in her high heels ready to leave she said "well, I could use these and just puncture your balls, how would that be?"...oh GOD I think I jizzed myself again!!!

So, I didn't really intend this to be a story, but just how I finally did it. This is going to be a WONDERFUL sexual relationship with the most AWESOME woman in the world.

So thanks to everyone who offered advice...you guys ROCK!!! Now, here is the next question....have any of you been outed to friends/family? I don't really think this will happen as our sex life is pretty private, but you never know, especially when someone gets busted on TV. How have you guys dealt with that?

[Ketchupman]

Some friends of my know of my fetish but they don't make a problem of it.

Family doesn't know this from me and I want to keep it that way. :)

I'm realy happy for you man!

[Alec Anaconda]

Now, here is the next question...have any of you been outed to friends/family?

A long time ago, I terminated a relationship with a certain woman, whose name I forget.
Upset at me dumping her, she waited until I was on holiday, and then visited my local pub.

When I returned with a suntan, a few of the woman wanted to know if I really enjoyed having my nipples tweaked and my balls squeezed, or if my X was lying.
I told all of them that there was only one way to find out.
One of those women invited me to her flat; I got an excellent BB section from her.
Our relationship never developed, but I often “came round for coffee” at closing time, over the next year.

Although I did not suffer from this outing, I never took any of my girlfriends to my local again.

[Galaxyife]

You know, I never thought about being outed...that would kinda suck, I suppose. I am in a fairly sensitive work situation, and I don't even want to know what that might complicate!

Here is an update since I confessed to the wife: We are having awesome sex, and the BB is now fully engrossed in it. She has even gotten to the point of threatening me throughout the day...long a nice prolonged foreplay, if you will. I get occasional pops when I am not expecting them, and after she "gets hers" she is game for just about anything. She kicks MUCH harder than I thought I would ever convince her to...although this has taken a little time to build up to it. The hardest thing was convincing her that I really *did* enjoy the pain, but after she realized HOW FUCKING HARD I cum, she is game for about as hard as I can stand. Just last night, she was kicking me with her instep (my FAVORITE, BTW). She starts with nice, alternating soft then rougher rubbing my balls and then when I am not expecting it, SMACK...and the pain courses though. Usually followed up by 4 or 5 more stiff kicks. Oh...it's heaven! After about the 10th good kick that I thought was plenty hard enough, I asked her on a scale of 1-10 how hard she was kicking...and she said about 2!!! WTF?!? 2, that's it?!? I have had PLENTY of professional gals kick the shit out of me and a couple who were surprised at my ability to take a kick, but my wife has been kicking the shit out of me and she says it's just a 2!?!? This made me even more horny than I already was and really wanted to feel a nice HARD, (make me really wince and rethink what I was doing) so I asked her to "kick it up" to about a 4. She said "you know, I don't want to really hurt you, that's why I am kicking fairly soft...". I told her I was fine (although already pretty sore) and she said "OK...but don't blame me if I rupture your balls!!!"...I just about blew my load when she said it. So she rubbed on my balls and my cock head for what seemed like an eternity and then it came out of nowhere...the PERFECT kick...it was so fast and hard, I know I came off the ground and the smack of my nuts on the top of her absolutely perfect size 8.5 foot could be heard by the neighbors. Before I could even react, she said "oh shit, I'm sorry, I missed" and in the matter of a half-second, she re-chambered her leg and unleashed the HARDEST kick I HAVE EVER felt. Hole shit!!! And to think I was going to get some of my "favorite shoes" involved...I don't think so now!! Although the pain was the most excruciating pain I have EVER felt, it was also the HORNIEST I have ever been. Since I really didn't want to freak her out, I mustered all my strength and said "that wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be" and commenced to "finishing the deed". My balls ached SO bad and the pain was exemplified when I came...again, SO FUCKING HARD!!! It's been about 12 hours and my balls are still pounding. I haven't had this kind of throbbing before and it is awesome! When she left for work, she came out in where her high heels and I realized that she now really owns my balls. As I kissed her goodbye, she asked how my balls were as she grabbed and gave a good squeeze. Oh fuck I thought as the pain made it's was thorugh my groin...but I just smiled and said "made of steel honey, made of steel". I can't stop thinking about how AWESOME this has been. I strongly encourage all of those that are "not sure" about sharing to do so...you never know what you might encounter.

Now I have to wonder how far am I going to let her go? It's pretty obvious to me if she kicked me as hard as she could that I would proabably be making a trip to the ER. Anyone had to make that trip and if so, what "limit" did you push?

[poolman2]

Galaxylife,

Congratulations! :bananajum

Isn't it wonderful?

poolman2

[saesneg]

So there are obviously lots of folks on here that have probably been up against this wall before. I am in my mid 30's and been into BB since I was a young teen (big surprise there, huh)? Anyway, I am trying to figure out a good way to express my desire to be busted to the wife without really f*ing up things. In the past, when I have gotten serious w/ a gal and brought up my wishes, they have freaked out (all but one) and things were never really the same again. I would really like to not freak out my wife, but then again, I have an insatiable appetite and am tired of spending money on dommes and girls from CL when I have a beautiful wife that I know could rock my world.

I have tried to get her to squeeze up on my balls and she does, but when I tell her "harder" she really won't do so. When she has made comments about kicking me in the balls, or someother "threat down there", I will make a comment along the lines of "oh, some foreplay, huh?" but she laughs and thinks nothing else about it.

So, I am soliciting good advice from the folks here...I look forward to all your great advice!

Got to agree that communication is the key to this....in fact it's a GOLDEN key that most people just can't get their head around.

The main reason people fail to communicate properly is that they are worried how what they have to say will be taken, so they couch it in vague terms to allow them an "out" if it's taken badly.

You are in a way doing this by the foreplay suggestion you make to her....it comes across as a joke to her, if she isn't taking it as a serious suggestion then she isn't going to take it seriously as an idea.

I realise that sitting there and unloading your fantasy isn't easy, you run the risk of ridicule and only you can decide if that's a possibility or not.....I can't help you there.
But I would suggest that no woman is planning to throw the whole marriage down the pan just because hubby asks for a little kinky sex now and then....we really aren't quite as shallow as that as a rule, we tend to look at the bigger picture.

What I can tell you is that as a session wrestler I sit down with guys all the time over a cup of coffee and ask them to do exactly that with me. I tell them that I'm not a mind reader and that I can only give them what they want if I know what it is. And some of these guys are complete strangers to me and I to them....but I still need to know to do things properly. Your wife and you aren't strangers to each other....it's about as easy as it gets between you regarding this.

Many guys are still too nervous to do so and I end up playing a guessing game on the mats trying to figure out by resistance or lack of it if what I'm doing is what they like or not.

But that's carzy for the money they are spending in my opinion. Better they tell me what floats their boat upfront.
Sometimes I guess right and sometimes I guess wrong....I feel bad when a guy doesn't get what he wants from a session but it also makes me annoyed when it wasn't my fault.

I tell them not to worry and that I've heard it all before and that I don't judge anyone....I hardly can considering what I'm doing.
I need them to tell me that they like this and this but they don't want that....then I will do exactly what they want and avoid what they don't like.
They go away happy having had what they had in their mind acted out and I know I gave good value for money.

Everyone's a winner.

Vagueness doesn't help, telling people what you like is what helps.....I know EXACTLY what floats my partner's boat and he knows EXACTLY what pushes my buttons because we have told each other.
I have to be told because I don't do vagueness very well....I tend to think I'm doing really well then find I got the wrong end of the stick and it wasn't what someone meant...maybe your wife is the same, maybe she really thinks she's doing exactly what you like and doesn't yet realise that she isn't.

If your wife knows exactly what you want and she will do it then you get exactly the sex you want, exactly the fantasy you had in your mind acted out for you.
And she is happy to have done that for you.

Everyone's a winner.

People who spend their life not getting the sex they want are the people who have fantasies...people who get the sex they want are the people who LIVE their fantasy.

Angela.