Report from the front line

Thoughts pre-session November 2015


From email: “Looking forward to seeing (and torturing) you soon! Tee hee!!”

Gulp!

Sounds friendly and playful but I recognize that tone – she’s been planning what she’s going to do to me. And it will be neither friendly nor playful. The little-girly tone is deceptive. She really is looking forward to torturing me.

It will be creative and cruel and full of drama and it will get more and more intense - no roleplay here no safewords. She disagrees with safewords. She’s in control. It’s real. It’s what I agreed to.

She’ll have a plan, but she’ll improvise. And she takes it further every time. Pushing me. As she said she would. She’s now pushed me beyond my threshold of masochistic pleasure and into true desperate agony I’d never have imagined being ****** to take.

Last time I was truly begging and screaming for her to stop but she didn’t. She pushed me further and further. It was impossible to take but she made me take it. At one point rather than backing off she coached me to breathe more deeply into the pain as she squeezed my balls harder and ground them together with all her might.

And she’s so strong. Big and powerful. 6’2” barefoot and solid rather than skinny. She’s so tall and heavy, strong and physically overpowering, broad shoulders and muscular arms and legs.

The breathing exercises didn’t help at all.

Towards the end she’d strapped me down to her torture table and my balls were stretched agonizingly towards the ceiling with a winch. I was desperately begging for mercy as she stretched them further and further almost tearing them off. Then she moved out of my (blurred) field of view leaving my balls stretched in terrible pain and constriction, still begging and sobbing but relieved she’d stopped. Hoping she’d stopped. But still in desperate pain with my mangled balls stretched unbelievably tight.

She returned to my blurry field of view with a riding crop held menacingly. My balls could take no more. I really thought at the time she was using it for effect, as she’d never whipped me before and we had a no-marks understanding which she’d stuck to for years.

Thought she just wanted to scare me, tease me, threaten me at the end of the session. It had been intense.

It wasn’t a tease. She wanted to whip my already tortured balls this time.

So she did.

It was the most excruciating experience ever I could never have imagined it. I was desperately begging but she carried on relentlessly until my balls were bruised and bleeding and I was screaming for mercy. Then some more.

Afterwards she told me she’s being so sadistic because I’d be disappointed afterwards if she hadn’t been (possibly true!). But on the other hand she actually really seems to enjoy planning our torture sessions and hurting me.

She’s tried out lots of things with me from her repertoire of experience torturing masochistic men and women. Things I’d never even fantasized about like electricity, needles, sounding, nipple torture, etc

But always ballbusting.

Squeezing, slapping, kicking, trampling, clamping, stretching, vice, whip etc as that is always my main thing testicle torture and she’s getting really into it and making sure it works for her and me.

“Looking forward to seeing (and torturing) you soon! Tee hee!!”

We also have a photoshoot that day with a new apparently tiny woman she’s met and they want to do some Domme shots and some with her being sub and Adult Baby companion and wrestling. So that should be fun!

But the session will be the thing and I have to remember to think about it realistically. She’s going to really hurt me it won’t be cute and playful. She’s bigger and heavier and stronger than me and a sensitive and creative and relentless sadist with lots of experience and many ideas and no inhibitions. And we started on this path with a mutual understanding that it was about her enjoying pushing me to my limits and then testing them.

“Tee Hee!!”

That is actually quite scary


Only a couple of days to go


Me:

“Looking forward to Monday, catching up and photoshoot and everything :) But mostly looking forward with more trepidation than usual to what you're going to do to me when we session. I just love submitting to you and just taking it from you even when I can't take any more!

Well, not at the time obviously but you judge it so well and you're tuned in to what hurts me most - I'm so glad I met you!”

Her reply:

“Glad you are feeling the anticipation!! You will just have to wait and see what I have in store!!

See you at 9.50 on Monday!”

OMG! She really has been thinking about what she’s going to do to me! I know she’s said she wants to make me cry. Is going to make me cry one day. She will be so cruel, I know that.

I’ve noticed I have 4 levels of agonised response

I’m trying to be brave
That really hurts
Please stop!
Unrestrained agony


My Mistress tests my limits, pushes me further, njoys being a sadist with a willing partner. Last time was a 4 at the end, with bruising.

She usually plays around 3, gradually building to it. But 4 was serious pain and panic and prolonged. She made me suffer and enjoyed it. Had even further pleasures planned but I seriously begged and begged and she showed some mercy. I was broken, sobbing but not crying unfortunately.

Her saying she was going to make me cry was a fantastic move. Sort of gave me permission to not hold back, to moan and groan and scream and beg. I could enter into the pain, express it without putting her off. The flip side though was that I was giving her permission to really torture me, within the bounds of her not actually damaging me.

Or not damaging me much. Last time she bruised my balls with her crop, a time before she cracked my ribs with a bearhug and left me in pain for many weeks. First session she sat on my face and her shoes and weight bruised my upper arms.

Playing with her is risky – she’s so big and strong. But she tries to be careful

My email after the session. Wasn’t sure how to talk about the bruised balls so didn’t really mention them

“Phew!

Balls will need a bit of TLC for a few days and I'm having to remember not to cross my legs :)

I've picked about 20 favourite shots and very pleased with some of them.*I particularly like those where not everyone's looking at the camera and there's an element of spontaneity. You came up with some great scenarios and everyone was into it!

There were a couple of things I could've done better like room lights in the highchair shots and not spotting your bare feet in most of the Medical Room shots I must have been looking at something else :) and I nearly crossed my legs then but stopped myself just in time.

Phew!

Xx”

My balls are bruised. I’d asked for a one hour session as last time I couldn’t survive the one-and a-half hours I’d paid for. This time I had to really plead for her to stop after 45 mns I was in so much agony. I was so grateful that she did but she probably wouldn’t have done if she hadn’t needed me to shoot a photo session afterwards. Didn’t want to put me out of action.

Last time towards the end she’d cropped my balls and bruised them as I said and it was the most painful thing she’d ever done to me. Any bruising before had been accidental. But she decided it was time to mark me. A frightening culmination to a hard session.

This time I knew she’d very likely push me a little further past that unbearable end-point.

But I was wrong.

This time she started there.

My tightly bound balls were bleeding and bruised within minutes of me being restrained on the Cross but it didn’t stop her. She squeezed them, stretched them, kicked, cropped and caned them, dug her heel in. It was easily a 3 on the scale

Eventually pleased with the state of my balls she stopped. Time to move on a level.

She untied me from the Cross and led me over to her torture table where she strapped me down firmly. Wrists and ankles shackled, heavy leather straps across my stomach and thighs. I was naked and going nowhere and was so at her mercy.

She stretched my balls with thick cords and attacked my taut and bruised scrotum with the hot electric lightning of her Violet Wand and a deep-heat spray. Which was wicked as the skin was already bruised and bleeding and aching from the hard cropping and caning she’d already given them. She knew that. Relished it.

But even though the burning skin/scrotum pain was bad she kept up the pressure on my aching balls, crushing them with a variety of devices.

The worst was when she also beat them with a paddle. This was a stronger duller deeper pain than the whips etc. and really made me scream in agony and begging her to stop I couldn’t take any more. My balls were already bruised and sore and bleeding. She made me take more until she’d satisfied her sadistic pleasure.

Afterwards she said how much she enjoys torturing me but only knowing I want it. She enjoys pushing me further and further. I feel privileged to have been accepted as a true masochist and that’s why it’s addictive.

She’s been here before I haven’t.

We need to have a chat about this. I really can’t imagine taking any more. More of the same, OK, still very difficult. But not any further, surely?

Having said that, there are still a couple of things I’d like to try out with her beyond the ballbusting.

OK since she’s been going out with new partner she’s stopped doing the more sexy things with me – gets her pleasure/orgasms from relationship rather than with slaves. She used to make me give her oral from the first session which involved facesitting and my first encounter with piercings in that area of the female anatomy.

Also at first she used to make a point of keeping me on the verge of orgasm all through session but not letting me release until the very end usually accompanied by pain for a ruined orgasm.

It’s not been like this the last couple of years. Nothing sexual. And that’s been good. That’s not why I was seeing her

4 levels of agonised response this time

I’m trying to be brave
That really hurts
Please stop!
Unrestrained agony

She started at 2, quickly to 3, pushing me into 4 again and again.



“Still sore, thank you Mistress!

I'm going to regret telling you this but when you used a paddle on my balls it hurt the most.

Cropping and caning was incredibly painful of course as you intended. But at the end of the day there is more damage to the skin of my scrotum which is still recovering

Your paddle was brutal and maybe less damage but more agonising. Not sure if I can take much more but you always surprise me how much you enjoy pushing me :)

You will make me cry and I dread it but love it”


Her reply

"Yes one day....I will wipe a tear from your cheek!! ;) and what a brave boy you will have been!"

And my response

“And what a gorgeously sadistic Mistress you will have been! When we started playing I never imagined we'd be going this far down the path less trod.

My balls are just about recovered now, thank you Mistress :)

Looking forward to seeing which photos you've chosen - if there are any you want me to have a go at tweaking in Photoshop let me know.

Thanks again for an amazing session :) I always try to be brave but you really do push me”


"Yes one day....I will wipe a tear from your cheek!! ;) and what a brave boy you will have been!"

Oh fuck I don’t want to imagine where this might be going!

Last two times she’s really hurt me and pushed me well beyond what I imagined my limits were.

First was when she deliberately transgressed our agreed “no marks” hard limit and bruised my stretched balls with her crop at the end while I screamed in agony. But I was OK with that afterwards and she must have sensed I was ready. I remember one time telling her it was such a shame that she couldn’t mark me and I’d love her to be able to mark me. She said she would love to, too.

So she eventually did, knowing I could handle it.

As well as the incredible agony at the time, it was a week of carefully using Savlon to make sure my wounded scrotum and cock healed and they certainly were sore.

But where might this be going?

I guess she’s already indicated. She’s going to make me cry. Whatever it takes.

God knows I’ve been trying to cry when she’s been torturing me so she would stop, but the tears haven’t come yet. Real screaming and begging but no tears so far though last two times I’ve seriously begged and she’s stopped before time I’d paid for realising I really couldn’t take any escalation she had planned.

This has previously been a lead-up to her ******* an orgasm from me at the very end with lots of pain – a “ruined orgasm”. Last couple of times she made me give up before she’d even moved into that final phase. Deliberate and cruel.


“Balls have now healed but they hurt and needed attention for a week thank you :)”

Her response

“My pleasure...as you know full well!!”

Lashings of Savlon carefully applied to broken and bruised scrotum twice a day. Avoided gym/swim. Thankfully healed OK.

But the main thing is she enjoys torturing me. Once I got to know her and how she’s clearly so good at adapting to various needs and fantasy scenarios (most recently Adult Babies) I wondered if her Sadistic Mistress persona was an act but it isn’t. Well it is and it isn’t.

She’s said two things that have made me think.

She was being sadistic to me and pushing me beyond my limits because
She thought I’d be disappointed afterwards if she hadn’t pushed me too hard and she truly didn’t want to disappoint me, and
She really enjoys hurting me or anyone who can take it, but has to develop trust first that’s mutual


I emailed her again:

“Last session was amazing :) you were so cruel from the start and my head etc is still getting round how you made me suffer.

Four levels of how I react/respond (is this a bloke thing?)

1. I'm trying to be brave
2. That really hurts
3. Please stop!
4. Unrestrained agony

This isn't including reacting by going into shock or even nearly fainting :)

Last time you started at 2 but quickly cranked it up, bruising my balls intentionally and sadistically.

I so love what you do to me!”

And her response:

“I am rather fond of it too :)”

Succinct but saying a lot. As if her first instinct is to say she loves torturing me - like I love being tortured by her - but “love” is the wrong word to use in this professional context. And that’s what it is. We get on really well in session and outside but it’s still a professional service

And I love it!

The thing is, I’d always fantasized about meeting a big strong girl who would enjoy squeezing my balls, making me give in, submit, like the wrestling.

When I was a little lad I was in awe of the older bigger girls and women around.

Never imagined I’d ever be in a big dominatrix’s torture chamber having my balls crushed and squeezed and beaten til they’re bruised and bleeding, screaming in agony and begging for mercy.

She used to gag me at some point in the proceedings if I was making too much noise. That was always scary. But it’s scarier now that she doesn’t gag me, wants to hear my agony. Ignores it.

When we first sessioned it was in the chamber at her family house and she was just trying me out and wasn’t intending to make me scream but she certainly hurt me and made me tell her when the pain was too much. Can’t remember if she gagged me there.

The day when she made me really scream while she had another slave mowing the lawn outside and asked what he could hear. Nothing.

Being gagged is masochistically sexy, no control. But being ungagged and ****** to beg and being pushed harder despite really begging for mercy even though you want pain is so hard.

She’s led me carefully and gradually to this point. It hasn’t always been easy from my point of view, physically or emotionally. First session was so unexpectedly intense and physically overwhelming “Don’t worry, you’re just going into shock” as I began shivering and convulsing uncontrollably. She gave me water and put a blanket over me but carried on.

And as things intensified I started getting sub-drop between sessions. An emotional and physical rollercoaster. We seem to have gone through that phase now.

When I first contacted her and told her I was a masochist I remember her replying:

“Real masochists are hard to find. We’ll see!”

I think she’s happy with me. When our encounters were a little more sexual, before she settled with her present boyfriend, she’d sometimes guide my hand to her vagina to show me how turned on she was by hurting me. She was always hot and wet. Sometimes she’d force me to give her oral sex and she was almost there already.

Then she’d go back to torturing me with greater relish “Okay you’ve had your fun now it’s my turn!”

I’m still shocked how far she’s pushing me



Testimonial for website:

“Looking forward to seeing my Mistress and being deliciously tortured by her again, she is so amazing - so lovely and kind and intelligent but so sadistic!

I'm so amazed we've reached a point where she’s actually bruising my balls and making me beg with no mercy until she’s satisfied. She used to gag me. Now she likes to hear me beg and plead while she ramps up the pain. And she’s so cruelly inventive with her many devices and toys and her incredible strength.”


When I met up with Mistress Lucinda we discussed and agreed hard limits. My only stipulation really was that I couldn’t be marked – apparently not an unusual request. And she’s always respected this, even though sometimes accidentally giving me an abrasion or a bruise. And once cracking my ribs in powerful bear hug - she was just lifting me up showing off her power

Which was why it was such a shock when she intentionally bruised my balls. After an agonising hour or so she finished with caning my stretched balls. It was going to leave marks. She knew this. But it was going to hurt and damage would be done.

She didn’t ask me, just did it. I was screaming for her to stop. She didn’t.

I was astonished that she had been so sadistic and that my balls were actually bruised. I had to look after them with Savlon for a week. Luckily they returned to normal.

Next session she started by bruising my balls “Look at them now! I like the colour” They were red raw, turning purple and bleeding. And this was only the start of the session. Then she started torturing me.

I reminded her of something she’d said in an email before our first session happened. I’d said that I was a masochist. She’d said

“We’ll see! Real masochists are hard to find”

That was sort of a challenge to me, to be a “real masochist” for her. I’m trying my best.

I reminded her of this comment, and that I’d found her response so non-judgmental and pragmatic. She would test me. But I never expected to be led this far. I just wanted my balls squeezed unbearably hard by a girl who didn’t mind being cruel. I mentioned something along those lines once and she quickly corrected me. It’s not that she “doesn’t mind” being cruel, she actually enjoys it.

When I reminded her of her reply to that early email about me saying I was a masochist, that she seemed to be looking for one, she just sent

“Tee hee!”


Lived with this for a while, got into the routine of *********** resentment. I’d
Her reply

Well watch out cos I am now invigorated from my break!! Ha Ha. It will be delightful to have you suffer for me again!

Which means she wants me to know she’s looking forward to hurting me again, ******* me to endure more than I can take, being sadistically and creatively cruel to me.

But not only that. She’s warning me that I need to watch out if I go ahead and book a session with her. It’s a tease, but also a serious promise. She’s going to hurt me. A lot. Must get back to the gym so I’m fit enough to take it.

“In other news I recently got Paul to make me a nice trample board which made me think of u!!”

OMG! Oh fuck!

Again sort of coy and friendly, but signaling her intent. She’s going to use all her weight to trample my balls, all 16 stone of her crushing them. It will be agony. She’ll make sure of that. After bruising them with her canes and crops. She’ll make them hurt and ache and throb and probably bleed, then she’ll fix the trample board on me and will stand on my balls with her platform high-heels. Something I’ve always fantasized about since playing with my young aunt’s high heels when I was younger, about 10.
:iluvu:

On the one hand, I can see why you find that hot. I'm not into women who are bigger than me with broad shoulders, personally, but an intense ballbusting session?

Another part of me finds it immoral-- isn't it going to a prostitute/sex worker basically? Now, a prostitute who doesn't actually give you sex. I play with my own wife personally. This same part of me thinks this is unhealthy. I enjoy some ball pain in the context of sexual pleasure,so I get it. But just torture? I don't want my testicles actually damaged... It's too late for that.... but I didn't want that.

I started taking testosterone a few years back because I had low T for a while... probably because of low vitamin D. I was having my wife squeeze me maximum pressure, using a ball crusher. One of my balls partly deflated due to a varicocele. When we first got married, I'd have her spank my balls during a hand job. After five or eight pats, I was grabbing her wrists for relief. Years later, I'm like 'harder, harder.' I was initially terrified of thumbs between thumb and forefinger squeezes. Years later, I've bought a rubber ball separator so she can isolate them, and I tell her a trick of using her first knuckle in that squeeze rather than the pads of her fingers because she couldn't really hurt me with the pads of her fingers and she'd complain her fingers are tired, but could with her knuckle. I had to have her lay off the balls with the now less-frequent hand jobs. (Maybe every other night handjob, every other night intercourse as newly weds, handjob week for periods.)

I got a little ball busting the other day. Felt nice, didn't hurt. Not ecstasy, just nice. But I need it during a sexual experience, not just torture. I want ball pain if it combines to make sexual pleasure more intense. There is a little bit of eroticism to her torturing me sexually, but that's not the main thing.

Post-orgasm torture was pretty intense, and I could do that without concern over damage, but I'm not sensitive post orgasm like that any more.

Btw, I never really went for kicks. I don't want pain overload. I want pleasure. Hand spanks are great for that, repeating strikes right at the right level. It could almost begin to a feel a little bit like a constant low-level orgasm mixed with a little of that feeling of getting hit in the funny bone, but right in the genitals. I miss it. The funny bone feeling was there in my 20's. I can get into a good pleasureful zone with the ball spanking, like yesterday during the first ball-spanking hand job session I'd had in quite a while, but there is hardly any pain at all with it, unless she hits a spot on the side or right when I'm warming up and a bony finger hits.

She's not into it for sadistic purposes, though. It's just part of serving me sexually with a hand job when she's not down for the real thing for whatever reason. I figure with all the orgasms she gets during sex, it kind of helps balance things out. With aches and pains as we get in the later stage of middle age, intercourse is less frequent than at earlier ages, so I choose that over nice ball spanking and squeezing these days, especially since she still looks thin and hot.

I don't really get the urge to be brought to your limit. When you aren't horny, you should probably realize it's unhealthy.

Maybe you have tougher balls, but do you find that after doing this, it is hard to experience the good ball pain from normal testicle squeezing, spanking, etc.? Have you had any shrinking, growths, nodules, etc. down there?