Hi

Hopefully some of you will know my art and my writing from bits and pieces I've posted on this site. Well now I'm woring on trying to write something more serious, and I'm hoping some of you guys can help. I sure I'm not the only person on this site who, apart from the ball torture I've received on a consentual basis, have also had the highly traumatic experience of being attacked for real - a very different thing. As I said, I'm working on writing a serious piece on the actual effects of being kicked in the groin in a genuine, violent assault, and I'm hoping some of you might be prepared to share your own experiences, either in public on this thread or by private message.

My own 'real' experience was being kicked in the balls by a girl in the school yard when I was in my early teens. Apart from the horrific pain that we're all familiar with, what effected me most was the humiliation of being hudled on the ground sobbing and wretching surrounded by a crowd of oggling onlookers; and also the feeling of being totally helpless - of something so quick and on her part so casual reducing me instantly to a state of utter helplesness.

I've gone through the whole of my life since then pretty majorly fucked up by the experience. I made a serious suicide attempt when I was 16 because I just couldn't cope; it's messed up my relationships with women over and over again, even to the point of contributing to my first wife divorcing me.

I think the worst thing for me has always been that no-one seems to take this stuff seriously. Getting kicked in the groin is a joke, right? I've felt like a total freek ever since that day because when everyone else was rolling around laughing at some poor guy on the TV getting kicked in the balls, I was squirimng and hyperventilating and wanting to die.

So, am I alone out here in freek land, caught between needing the agony and humiliation of a woman kicking my balls as a deeply screwed up part of my sexuality, and at the same time being absolutely terrified of being attacked again for real? Anything any of you would like to share on this subject would be very much appreciated.

Thanks

Sevrian