Finally went to the doctor

[Jet]

Hi Mick

How do your balls come permanently damaged?

[mick_sl8ter]

Hi Mick

How do your balls come permanently damaged?

Hi Mick

How do your balls come permanently damaged?

How should I know ? I am not a doctor !

No but seriously the short answer is: trauma to the testicles by sexual activity, sports.

Sports: getting kicked hard in the groin, by accident of course during matches in martial arts. ( but I do not think this contributed much to damage, because I always wear protective cup )
Sexual activity : I never self-bust as some of the guys here describe, I am not into the pain or thrill of hurting my genitals.
Also I am not so much into sexual domination or being dominated.
Due to childhood experiences I have developed a psychological condition that can be best described as c.astration anxiety.
The fear of in my case a woman / women taking away my manhood , also in my case most focussed on the testicles not the penis.

Because I am very much sexually attrackted to women and in order to be able to deal with my c.astration anxiety, I have developed a sexual obsession.
I let women manhandle my testicles, this results in a very addictive sensation of fear and pleasure. In order to get the same sexual thrill, I go to extremes.
My testicles underwent almost all the abuse you could imagine, without the actual c.astration.
Pulling, twisting and biting, especially when combined, for me trigger the highest level of this kind of sexual arousal.

But I have decided for myself that I need to stop myself and my thoughts. It is not healthy.
And psychologically, it only empowers irrational fear. (c.astration anxiety)
I have a very loving relationship towards women closest in my life.
They love me, they support me, they have no intention to hurt me or emasculate me.

True, there are many women out there that do want to hurt me / emasculate me / men in general.
But besides physically, my body. It is not good for my psychological well being to focus on them.
Because they are severely psychologically damaged as well.
And it is also unfair for me to project my c.astration anxiety on lovely women, who just happen to love me for who I am as a person and want to be intimate with me, without being subjected to my psychological / sexual problems.

So as you can see I am working on it, to deal with my issues here , because I really want to heal my sexuality and change as a person.
And as always with psychological problems : who caused this shit in the first place ? -> parents, in my case my mother !
And trust me : if someone still has psychological issues, it is her !

People with psychological problems tend to deal with their issues by passing them on to the next person, especially to those people that are in a position in which they can not escape from the abuse. I have decided to deal with my problems myself, by becomming ZEN through meditation and self reflection and not pass them on to the next person (any more).

This world, this very sick world we live in, can only heal and become a very beautiful and loving place if people will stop hurting each other and deal with their own psychological problems.