Castratrix's pet
I've read your messages several times before and it seems a little strange to me that not only is the imagery you describe very specific, but you also keep using the same words. (I'm not complaining about the repetition, I really would like to understand your feelings better.) It makes me wonder if the words you use to describe it have some excitations associated with them similar to how the images do.

Since my earlier conversations on this site I have done a lot of thinking about what brings strange fascinations like these about. And I've learned a little by reading, none of it is very satisfying nor does it make me very happy. So I assume that it wouldn't make you happy either.

What seems to make most of the people on this board happy is to just go with these feelings, at least as far as enjoying and praising the porn, sharing it, keeping it available and so on. Some may also want to act it out.

I notice that there are a few confused members, and people who find some of the material that others are sharing and praising here to be rather disturbing.

I'll try and give a basic explanation of what's going on with people, who, like you, have a fascination with something very specific and abnormal.

First, I need to define abnormal. I do this so that you can be sure you know what I am talking about, and we know what we can and can't claim about things being normal and abnormal. People often have vague ideas about what words like normal mean that are not the same as the meanings for those words that others have.

Well, normal or abnormal is not a value judgement, it isn't insult or praise, its a statement of something believed to be a fact. Here's what I pulled off the first online dictionary to come up:

# noun: something regarded as a normative example
# adjective: conforming with or constituting a norm or standard or level or type or social norm; not abnormal (Example: "Serve wine at normal room temperature")
# adjective: being approximately average or within certain limits in e.g. intelligence and development (Example: "A perfectly normal child")

We seem to be dealing with definition 3. So something is normal if a lot of people do it or have it or want it. In a word its common. Common isn't necessarily good or bad, its just the way things are for most people.
There are some problems with trying to use the word average but I'd rather not go into those.

One of the most useful methods of explanation in today's world is the evolutionary explanation, and as in many other areas I think it can shed some light on this one.

The reproductive method for a man involves choosing a fertile female and mating. Males specialize in this to a much greater degree than females. But in order to reach the goal of mating and producing offspring males are first motivated by sensations of longing and a pleasure that satisfies this longing.

The longing that males feel isn't motivated by an image they have from birth, of what a woman should look like. Some aspects of a fertile woman may be recognized instinctively, such as breast size, or an attraction to full lips, but many other aspects of a woman's appearance change so much or are subject to fads that this explanation doesn't seem possible.

So as boys grow, they are learning to respond to certain stimuli with longing, and sexual interest. This interest usually attaches to women and to attributes of women that advertise fertility, health or sexual availability. But whatever mechanism causes us to make these associations between our longing and women or their attributes it also targets things that are not necessarily related to sex.

For example, you notice the slightly taller woman with the well-defined calves, but something of the shape of her high-heeled shoes also seems to be part of the experience. Which part do you focus on? Which aspect will make for healthy children? Are you attracted to her posture alone, or also to her fashion sense? And what if the shoe just seemed to be the most prominent feature of the stimulus?

Similarly, when you see a picture or movie of a woman giving a man a blow-job, you recognize the genitals, you know that having something wet and soft on them leads to pleasure and you may focus on the thought of her tongue. You may be interested in her apparent submission, or not. She may seem to be doing something special, and if you think it is taboo, it may seem even more special.

When you see a man hurt in his testicles, or have your own hurt, its a sensation in your genitals, it is very easy to confuse it with the feelings of sexual passion. This might not have much effect if it was done by a man, but the stimulus inherent in a beautiful woman is something else. How does the part of your brain that learns how to direct your feelings of longing make sense of this? Its a roll of the dice whether this will turn you on a little or a lot, or get burned into your memory so hard that you'll be dissatisfied with any other way of achieving sexual release. Your dice may be somewhat more loaded in that direction than many others.

Fetishes, (as such fascinations are called in common, rather than specialist language, though they are probably more accurately known as paraphilias,) often seem to be very specific. The person who has one sees the sexual attraction of it as completely obvious and the person who does not have it often has trouble seeing anything special about it at all. They also seem to be related to taboos. If a practice, or body part is hidden, that alone seems to produce some fascination with it.

A person becomes stimulated by something forbidden, the stimulation heightened by the feeling of passing a boundary or doing something bad, yet they enjoy it so much and have such a strong desire to be left alone to do it that they want to be able to honestly claim that they don't think it really is bad, that those rules shouldn't apply, and we have an interesting spectacle of people trying to deal with their cognitive dissonance.

Yes, we've now passed into my own personal guesses about the psychology of the ballbusting fetish.

Here's one for you: A taboo that brings fantastic ecstasy is transformed in the mind into something sacred.

Is there anyone out there who feels just like you do? Who has the same sense of the sacred? Maybe not, but there are others who have also found something that they feel strongly drawn towards, as if coming to a recognition of themselves. There are some people who have a fascination, apparently also sexually related, with amputees, who report that upon seeing an amputee for the first time felt a strong sense of recognition, believing that to be their true shape.

Now, even after all that I'm not going to say that there may not be something archetypal in your fascination with rolled-up sleeves. It does seem a very effective picture, and always makes me think of Rosie the Riveter when I read your posts.

Ok, I'm out of steam on that one for now.